


Faster Than My Bullet

by mauibaybe



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Content, Soulmates, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24566224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mauibaybe/pseuds/mauibaybe
Summary: It was a chilly October night and Mickey was smoking out his bedroom window, when a gang of dudes wearing masks, on skateboards holding baseball bats went by. Mickey was caught off guard when one of the men stopped, started at him dead in the eyes, took off his ski mask and winked. Mickey was shocked to see the person under the black ski mask looked exactly like his childhood best friend who had been presumed dead years ago... or was he?
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 55
Kudos: 122





	1. Chilly October Night

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I usually don't write much like this, but I'm really excited about this fic. I have a few ideas for how I want this to go, but it's probably going to be a pretty long one. I'm super excited about this and hope you like it too.

It was nearing 12:00am when Mickey was sitting on his bed smoking out the window of his room, on a chilly October night. As Mickey inhaled the nicotine, he could feel the chill of the crisp air whipping around him. He lived in a pretty busy neighborhood, but considering the time of night, there was no one to be seen. 

As the cigarette neared its end, Mickey thought. He thought about life and a bunch of random other shit. He usually only had these thoughts in the shower, you know the types of thoughts that are strange, but tonight was different. Maybe it had been the long day he’d had or the fact the night just felt… strange. 

He put out the cigarette in the glass ashtray on the window cill and lit up another one, it was just one of those nights. Sure, cigarettes are absolutely horrible for you, but at this point they seemed to be the only thing that could take Mickey’s mind off of anything. 

Mickey was snapped right from his daze when he heard a noise in the distance. It sounded like a group of kids, maybe teenagers, talking, laughing. As the noise came closer and closer Mickey could now hear they were riding skateboards, or something of the sort, and there seemed to be a lot of them. 

After only a few seconds they were now nearing the front of Mickey’s house, so he was able to see all of them. 

It was a group of 8 maybe more, dudes. They seemed to be pretty young but he couldn’t tell because they were all wearing masks. All of them were dressed in all black. Black shoes, black pants, black shirts, and even a black facemask, like the ones people wore when they would rob a bank. All of them were on some type of skateboard. What he found strange was all the dudes were either holding baseball bats or what seemed to be knives. They were quite a distance away so Mickey couldn’t see much but he was able to tell the basics of the gang of men. 

He just assumed it was some sort of gang of teenagers that lived in the area. In his town there were more than enough of those. Just some highschool kids who thought they were cool by being a part of a gang. 

Mickey was caught off guard when the man in the back of the group slowed down. Once he came to a complete stop Mickey could tell the masked dude was looking straight at him. The rest of the group kept going, they didn’t seem to notice the one that stopped and was now looking right at Mickey. 

The dude was of course dressed in black from head to toe. His clothing was tight so Mickey could tell he was pretty fit. Must’ve been a student athlete or something. The man was holding a tan baseball bat in one hand and the other was covered by a black glove. 

At the sight of this Mickey’s mind began to race. Was this dude about to kill Mickey? Was he about to vandalize something or do some stupid shit? Sure, he’d seen plenty of so-called gangs throughout the neighborhood but none like this. Mickey was about to shut his window and call the cops when the man started moving. 

He reached up and took the mask off his face. Now Mickey could see what this dude looked like and he was in complete shock. 

The mystery dude had fire red hair that was a mess from the mask he was now holding in his once free hand. His skin was pale and although Mickey couldn’t really tell, he seemed to have freckled splattered around his features. 

This man looked way too familiar. Mickey had to squint his eyes to get a better look, because he knew this dude from somewhere. A realization came to him. No, this couldn’t be who he was thinking of, could it? 

His train of thought was derailed when the man stared straight into Mickey’s eyes and winked. No more than two seconds later this mystery dude was slipping his mask back on and skating away to catch up with everyone else. 

Holy shit. 

Was that, Ian Gallagher? The dude who was Mickey’s childhood best friend. The dude who was pronounced dead 10 years ago. The dude who Mickey and literally everyone else in the state of Chicago presumed was dead! 

It couldn’t be. Ian was dead, and he’d been dead for over 10 years. 10 years. That was a long fucking time. There was no way.

But Mickey would know. He would know Ian if he saw him. Mickey had practically spent every day of his life hanging out with Ian. He knew what he looked like, what he sounded like, hell he even knew his mannerisms. And that dude, the one who stopped, pulled off his mask and winked at Mickey, he had to be Ian. There was no way it could be, but there was also no way it couldn’t have been him. 

What the fuck. 

~

Mickey Milkovich was born and raised in the Southside of Chicago. And well he was 100 percent Southside, no doubt about it. 

He spent more than a few years in juvenile detention centers and would beat the shit out of his pears just for fun. He had tattoos across his knuckles that said fuck u-up. I mean seriously that’s like the definition of Southside. 

Although he grew up in the crappy part of town, deep down he wasn’t like any of those people. Sure, everyone knew he was 100 percent Southside, but Mickey always felt different. It was the way he was raised and there wasn’t jack shit he could do or say about it. 

Mickey was expected to not do anything with his life. Everyone just assumed he would drop out of highschool and get sent to jail for dealing drugs or some shit like that for the rest of his life.

Basically, Mickey had a pretty shitty, well actually, straight up shitty childhood. 

His mom dipped when he was no more than five years old, leaving him and the rest of his siblings with Terry. Just the sound of that name sent shivers down Mickey’s spine. He absolutely hated Terry. But he feared his father more than anything. Terry was a disgusting and awful human being. He deserved every bad thing that happened to him. Mickey spent his whole entire life questioning how Terry was qualified to be a dad, because he was literally the worst person in the world. 

Terry was a drunk. He verbally and physically abused his kids. Not only that, he knew his own children were terrified of him, and he used that to his advantage. He made his kids do illegal shit for him because he knew they wouldn’t say no. Each and every one of his kids would drop everything and anything to do whatever the fuck Terry asked because he was just so damn scary. 

Growing up Mickey spent most nights crying alone in his bed. It sucked. It sucked a lot. No kid should fear their own father. The person who literally helped create them. The person who they shared genes with. But Mickey was. He was scared, but he couldn’t show it, because being called a pussy or a faggot was a lot worse. 

On top of all the fucked up family issues Mickey lived on the Southside of Chicago. This was the absolute worst place in the city of Chicago, hell the whole state of Illinois. The place Mickey called home was infested with crackheads and lowlives who didn’t do shit with their lives. Mickey absolutely hated it, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. It was the only place Mickey knew and it was the only place he would ever know. 

The worst part about all of this is that Mickey couldn’t be himself. The thing was Mickey’s gay. Always has been always will be. He’s known since he was like 7 or 8. Truthfully he can’t even remember a time where he wasn’t crushing on boys instead of girls. 

When Mickey was in second grade he had the biggest crush on Brian Smith. At the time Mickey didn’t know he was gay, he didn’t even know what gay was, but what he did know is he liked Brian. Considering Mickey’s homelife he didn’t know how to show affection in a nice, normal, calm way, so he just showed affection the only way he knew how to. 

Everyday he would steal Brian’s stuff when he wasn’t paying attention. Sometimes Mickey stole his pencils or crayons and sometimes it was a homework assignment or the food he was eating for lunch. 

Brian became very un fond of MIckey. He avoided him as much as he possibly could. 

Brain was a part of the “popular” group of kids so obviously word about Mickey spread quick. People had already avoided Mickey, because he was pretty scary, but now people avoided him all together. 

He couldn’t figure out why. He just wanted to get Brian’s attention, and being mean was the only way he knew how to. It wasn’t Mickey’s fault, it was his dads and the damn town he lived in. He absolutely hated it, but what could he do about it? 

Mickey was stuck living a shitty life, so he decided to make the most of it. 

He started being that scary kid, the son of Terry Milkovich, that he was supposed to be. He hated it, but it was all he could do. 

Mickey then became the school bully. The kid that would beat up anyone and everyone. The kid with the “hands of steel”. The kid everyone was scared of and avoided. 

Mickey went through the rest of his life with this awful reputation, it was all he could do. It was the only way he could survive. Mickey couldn’t be who he truly was, not with his family and not with the town he lived in. 

Mickey also spent his whole life hiding his sexuality. The thing was, Terry was, is, the biggest homophobe ever. Mickey's lost count of the amount of times Terry’s said something offensive and homophobic. And of course Terry got a gay son. That was worse for Mickey though. Mickey would love to come out and date a guy just to piss his father off, but Terry was more powerful than Mickey, stronger. With out a doubt Terry would murder Mickey, so Mickey just hid in the closet. He knew that’s how it was always going to have to be. 

People in the Southside like to assume. 

Mickey knew people would assume something was up if he wasn’t banging girls. 

The thought of putting his dick anywhere near a female disgusted Mickey. He had absolutely no interest in fucking a girl, but he had no choice. He had to. If he wanted to stay in the closet, and not have people assume, there was no other choice. 

So at the age of 15 he started fucking girls. It was awful, he hated it more than anything, but he knew he had to do it. It was usually just some desperate girls at school who no one else would fuck, Mickey didn’t care though, just as long as people assumed he was straight it was ok. More than ok. 

So yeah, Mickey’s childhood was pretty rough. 

But there was one thing that made everything not so bad. Out of everything in his life this one particular thing made everything… Ok. 

Ian Gallagher. 

The pale, scrawny, redhead who was the middle child of the Gallaghers, that lived down the street. 

Ian was the light in the darkness known as Mickey’s life. 

Most of the time Ian was the only person who made Mickey smile, the only person who truly understood him. 

-

Ian and Mickey met when they were in sixth grade. 

It was the first day of middle school. Mickey would never admit it, but he was really nervous. Sure he was this mean, scary, kid, but middle school was even more scary. 

It was so much different than elementary school. He wasn’t in a building with little kids all day, he was in a building with kids who were 14, and at the time that seemed really old. 

Of course he had to act like he wasn’t scared, but it would’ve been really nice to have someone to tell him it was going to be ok. That they were there for him, and nothing bad was going to happen. 

Milkovichs weren’t self conscious. They didn’t give a crap about what people thought, because they would just break their nose if they did. But Mickey was the Milkovich that didn’t fit in, he was self conscious and he did care about what other people had to say. 

The thing was, Mickey had been short, like really short his whole life. All his peers, even the fucking girls, were always so much taller then him. That disadvantage didn’t stop Mickey from being a scary little shit, but he was still self conscious about it. 

At the time he couldn’t have been more than 5 feet tall. And for an 11 almost 12 year old that was really fucking short. Everyone else had at least 4 inches on him. 

Mickey tried to ignore the fact he was a little dude, but now that he was in middle school, with 8th graders who were really tall, he was scared. 

He didn’t want people to make fun of his height.

Also the school was a lot bigger than his elementary school, so there was a shit ton more teachers and kids. All of this was really freaking intimidating and Mickey was extremely nervous. 

His first class of the day was science. 

Mickey gave absolutely no shits about school, but he liked it. He liked school because he was able to get away from home for at least 7 hours. He left early and by the time he got home Terry was past out in a drunken coma. 

Summers were always the worst. Mickey had to spend each and every day for three months with Terry. 

Most kids loved summer, but Mickey was never able to enjoy it. His summer months were spent in fear. 

To avoid Terry, Mickey always went to school as early as he could and left as late as he could. This year it was no different. 

It was the first time back in school since summer, and Mickey was ecstatic to get away from his shithead of a dad. Now he could be safe, and wouldn’t have to keep an eye out for his father. 

Plus he was nervous, and it only seemed logical to be the first to class. 

So, Mickey just sat there and waited for class to start. 

Mickey was doodling on a piece of lined paper when he caught a glimpse of orange hair from the corner of his eye. He looked up and made eye contact with Ian Gallagher. 

Mickey knew who Ian was but they really never talked. Most of the time Mickey just bullied Ian, so he was dumbfounded to see Ian walking in his direction. 

Next thing he knew Ian was in the seat right next to him and they were talking. 

The rest is history. From that day on they were best friends. 

Mickey and Ian spent nearly every day together. 

Ian wasn’t like all those idiots on the Southside. He was nice and caring, and actually listened to Mickey. They could relate to each other. Both of them had shitty parents which resulted in a shitty life. Mickey felt like he could talk to Ian, like he was the only person who would ever genuinely care what Mickey had to say. 

Maybe Mickey had a slight crush on Ian, but he wouldn’t ever let himself admit it. There was no way in hell Mickey would let the friendship go to shit. Ian was his only friend and honestly he would probably be the only friend he would ever have. 

For years Mickey and Ian were inseparable. They did nearly everything together and practically knew everything about each other, practically everything. 

Losing Ian was always a thought tucked in the back of Mickey’s mind. This friendship was too good to be true. Mickey wasn’t a lucky person. He never got anything he wanted. Everyone and everything always seemed against him. But the one thing, the one and only thing he wanted was to keep Ian in his life, because he was the best thing that had ever happened to Mickey. 

But one day, during his junior year of highschool, Mickey’s worst fear became a reality. 

It was a rainy May morning. School was almost out, meaning, Mickey was almost a senior. He was almost done with all the bullshit school threw his way. Mickey was ecstatic. He would soon be able to leave, to live a life that he wanted. He could be happy. He would no longer have to worry about his dad or any of the other shit that happened in the Southside. 

The only thing Mickey was planning to not leave in the shit show known as the Southside was Ian. 

Mickey walked to the corner where him and Ian met before school everyday. They had met there everyday since they were in sixth grade. 

But, once Mickey reached the particular street corner he was surprised to see no one else there. 

Mickey always ran late in the morning, so Ian was always there, at the corner waiting for him. Except that day he wasn’t. 

Mickey checked his phone, but was confused to see there were no notifications from Ian. 

Ian was a smartass. He was one of those kids that actually enjoyed school, the ones that informed the teacher they forgot to collect homework. He never missed school and when he did, he told Mickey. 

Ian had been diagnosed as bipolar not too long before that day. It wasn’t really a surprise though, considering his mother had the same disease, and that shit was extremely hereditary. But, for the most part, Ian had it under control. He took his meds and saw a therapist regularly. 

Occasionally Ian slipped. His meds got out of balance causing him to fall into a manic or depression episode, causing him to miss a few days of school. But when this happened, he always knew. Ian could always tell when an episode was about to happen, and he always told Mickey. Mickey could always tell too. Sometimes Ian would act differently than he usually did, but Mickey would just tell Ian’s siblings and everything would be great again. 

After a few moments there was still no Ian, not even a sign of him. 

Mickey was about five minutes from being late to school again, which would cause him to receive yet another detention, so he booked it to school. 

Throughout the day Mickey texted Ian, but got nothing in return. It started to worry him. This wasn’t like Ian. Ian responded to texts no more than a minute after they were sent no matter how depressed or manic he was. 

The first place Mickey went once school was over was Ian’s house. 

There were a few police cars parked outside the beat up blue house when he arrived, which sent a rush of worry through Mickey. Something was wrong. 

The next thing Mickey knew he was banging on the front door and was shortly greeted by Ian’s older sister, Fiona.

She informed Mickey, Ian had gone missing. They hadn’t seen him since last night. 

Usually you didn’t file a missing persons report until at least 24 hours until after the person was last seen, but this wasn’t like Ian and he was clinically bipolar. 

The cops asked Mickey a few questions and shortly after he went out to look for Ian.

Mickey looked in every place he could think, but there was no sign of Ian. 

Mickey was 17 at the time. He was far from the days where he would get scared or worried, but this worried the shit out of him. 

He stopped eating, sleeping, and going to school. He was just way too worried about Ian. 

A few days later Mickey got a call from Fiona. The words that came out of his phone's speaker caused him to drop to his knees and immediately burst into tears. 

They found Ian, dead. 

He was found in an abandoned building with his wrists slit. 

Mickey went into shock. There was no way. His worst dream was a reality. He was living a nightmare. The only person he cared about was dead. Ian wasn’t Ian anymore. 

Mickey went to the funeral, he saw Ian body laying in that casket. Mickey didn’t cry, but that day he cried. He cried more than he had in his life. 

After that day he basically threw his life away. 

He started doing more drugs, skipping school and doing illegal shit. 

Mickey was a strong person, but this broke him. It shattered him into a million pieces. There was no way he could put himself back together. 

One thing led to another and Mickey ended up dropping out of school, not because of Ian, but because of how fucked up his life was. 

Ian blocked out all the bad in Mickey’s life. He shielded Mickey from all the awful things that Mickey endured on a regular basis. But now that Ian was gone, there was no more shield. No more barrier. Mickey was yet again faced with his shitty life, and he fucking hated it. 

~ 

But that was all 10 years ago. 

Now Mickey was living a semi normal life. 

He was the manager of a clothing store at the mall, lived in the nicer part of Chicago and was pretty happy. 

After Ian’s passing Mickey was able to get his shit back together. 

He got his GED, and began taking some online college courses. 

He bought his first home, it was small but a house is a house so who cared? 

Terry was long gone. He was still alive, but he did some stupid shit that got him locked up for the rest of his life. So now Mickey could be himself. 

He was now openly gay, well sort of. 

He didn’t hide it anymore or anything, but it wasn’t like “I’m gay” was tattooed on his forehead. 

But anyway, Mickey was living a pretty normal life, but he was lonely. 

Mickey had no friends or family. The only people he socialized with were his colleagues, but they weren’t friends or anything. 

Mickey was living a normal life that he always dreamed of, but he wanted more. He craved something new. 

He felt like a broken record, just doing the same damn thing everyday, but I mean he couldn’t complain. He was financially stable, had a job, a house, and could finally be himself. 

At this point Ian was a distant memory. Sure, he missed him, but Mickey moved on. That part of his life was gone. It died years ago when Ian did. 

But now, here Mickey was, sitting in his tiny bedroom dumbfounded. Confused. 

He just saw someone that looked like the person who changed his life. The only person Mickey's ever loved. The only person who had ever loved Mickey. 

There was no way that way Ian, but there was something about the whole situation that felt off. 

Mickey went to bed that night feeling insane. 

He tried to wrap his head around what had happened, but that was physically impossible to do. 

He had just seen Ian Gallagher. The same Ian Gallagher that was pronounced dead 10 years ago. What the fuck was happening?


	2. Mystery Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After seeing that man that looked just like Ian, Mickey begins to dwell on his past. He begins to think about the person he once was. He also thinks about how that man had to be Ian. It just had too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter you'll learn more about Mickey and his past. And of course you'll learn more about the "mystery man". Enjoy!

That night Mickey laid in his bed, restretless. Sleepless. 

He couldn’t get his mind off of what just occurred. 

He may or may not have just seen his childhood best friend, who was dead. Who had been dead for 10 years. A fucking decade. That was a really long time. 

During that time Mickey moved on. He started a new life. He buried his past in that casket with Ian. That Mickey was gone. Missing. 

But seeing that dude, made that old MIckey re appear. 

All these old memories from his childhood came back. Like reopening a wound that was nearly healed. It was like he dug up that casket he buried his old self in years prior. 

Mickey was starting to feel insane. 

Logically that wasn’t Ian, it just could've been. Ian was dead. Period, no question about it. Mickey was at Ian’s funeral. He saw him. Ian was dead. 

But for some reason Mickey’s brain wasn’t accepting that explanation. Something felt off. Maybe it was some sort of sign or some quiencidence magical shit, but Mickey didn’t believe in all of that bullshit. 

He couldn’t wrap his mind around what had just happened. 

He tried to settle on the answer that it was just some random gang of kids, who were going around vandalizing shit. And the one in the back just happened to see Mickey, and he just so happened to decide to mess with him. 

And just because someone had red hair and had the same build as Ian didn’t mean shit. There were a shit ton of pale scrawny redheads in the world, plus there was such a thing as doppelgangers. 

It was nearing 4am and Mickey had work in the morning. He had to get to sleep. He tried and tried to convince his brain it was a coincidence, it was just some dumbass kid trying to mess with him.

But he just couldn’t. There was something off about this whole situation and Mickey couldn’t bring himself to drop it and move on with his life. He was nearly 27 years old, with a good paying job, which he had to be at in a few hours, and he was dwelling on his past. The same past he had forgotten. 

But whoever that kid was, he reopened that wound. The wound of Mickey’s shitty past. He caused Mickey’s mind to race with memories, some good some bad. But now Mickey was remembering, remembering the awful things he endured as a child, in his old life, his second life. 

________________

When Mickey got the opportunity to leave the Southside, he did with no questions asked. He left and made a promise to himself, to never ever go back there no matter what. 

He also left the person he once was behind, as long with all the memories. 

Although Ian’s passing sucked, it opened Mickey’s eye. It almost guided him in the right direction. The direction he was meant to be in. It may be selfish or fucking rude to say, but the death of Ian was a good thing for Mickey. Without it Mickey would probably be serving a life sentence right now. He would be living that life he was bound to because of his roots. 

But roots didn’t mean shit, especially not now. 

Mickey was a completely different person. Now if you saw him on the streets you wouldn’t want to run from him. He wasn’t that mean scary kid he once was. 

Somehow Mickey was able to block out all those shitty memories and experiences from his life. 

He never thought about his life. Never thought of all the hard times and abuse he experienced. In fact he never even thought about Ian until now. 

So now here Mickey was. Laying wide awake in his bed when he has to be up for work in no more than three hours, thinking about the life he promised himself he would never think about. 

It was hard to leave. It was difficult to end that chapter of his life. The only chapter he had ever known, but he knew, he knew it was time to start a new one. To close that book and put it on the top shelf, to never be seen again. 

After Mickey got his life back on track, he got a job, his GED, and a house. 

Shortly after he was living in a semi suburban neighborhood on the lower end side of the Northside. He didn’t mind though, it was a major upgrade from what he was used to. Instead of living next to crack heads, he lived next to young families. He also was a manager of a store. The job definitely wasn’t the best, but for someone who was born and raised in the Southside, and dropped out of high school, it was a good job. A great job. 

Basically Mickey had turned his whole life around and was finally happy for once. He was finally living that life he only thought happened on tv or to people with money or a good background. 

But now memories of his old life flooded through his mind. It was strange, remembering the person he once was. That scary, dirty kid with the nasty tattoos on his knuckles that made everyone do a double take. 

He looked the same, still had those damn tattoos, which he’s saving up money to get rid of, but he wasn’t the same person on the inside. 

But now, now that he saw that dude, the one that looked like Ian, he felt like his old self on the inside again. And it was the worst feeling ever. 

One particular memory came to mind once the boy skated away. It was an oddly specific memory, but it was vivid in Mickey’s mind. It was fresh, like he had just experienced it. 

Mickey couldn’t have been older than 15 or 16 years old. It was a really fucking hot summer day in mid July. Terry had been missing for a few days, everyone assumed he was on some drug run or bender, so it was just Mickey and his younger sister Mandy in the house. 

Those few days where it was just him and Mandy were the best. They didn’t have to live in constant fear of their father or any other idiots he brought home. They spent the few days they were free just acting like kids. They would stay up late and watch movies. They would even order pizza almost every night. 

They were just able to have a normal summer like all the normal kids their age, without being afraid something bad would happen to them. That’s the way kids were supposed to live. Happy and free and not in constant fear of their own father. 

But when Terry returned home everything went South. 

No more than two minutes after he walked in the door, both Mickey and Mandy knew, Terry was just coming off of a bender. Probably both drugs and alcohol, because well we are talking about Terry Milkovich. 

For whatever reason Terry was pissed, which wasn’t new, but there wasn’t any reason for him to be. He hadn’t even been in the house for more than five minutes and he was already causing chaos. 

He started screaming hateful words about both Mickey and his little sister. And it was for no reason. They were both pretty good kids, well at least for the Southside. They always did whatever Terry asked and when they got into trouble it was mostly because of Terry. 

The screaming lasted for a few moments, but then he started getting aggressive. Terry came close to Mandy like he was about to hit her. Mickey had always been protective of his little sister. No matter what he would do anything for her, and when it came to Terry it was no different. 

So he pushed Mandy away from Terry and told her to run. 

This obviously made Terry even more pissed and no more than ten minutes later Mickey was basically beaten into unconsciousness. At that point Terry was practically passed out on the couch, so Mickey took this as his opportunity to run, to get as far away from his house as possible. 

It took every ounce of energy he had in his body just to get out the door and down the stairs. His face was dripping blood and at least two of his ribs, probably more, were cracked. He felt like shit and knew he looked even worse, but if he wanted to see another day he needed to run. He needed to get the fuck out of there. 

There was no one who cared about Mickey. No one who would gladly take him in and clean his wounds and let him stay with them until he felt better. The only place Mickey could think to go was Ian’s house. He wasn’t sure if Ian was even home but Mickey needed him. He needed to see Ian, because Ian was the only one who actually cared about him. Who would actually be willing to help Mickey and make him feel better. 

As Mickey made his way to the only place he knew he could go, he realized Mandy was nowhere to be seen. But, he wasn’t too worried. Mandy was probably safe. Stuff like this happened way too often, and Mandy always returned home a few days later, safe. 

Right now, Mickey was concerned about himself. Right now, he was in no shape to be able to fight off Terry, and if Terry had realized Mickey was gone he would go find him and kill him. No doubt about it. 

Mickey was starting to feel woozy as he reached the wooden steps of the Gallagher home. He was almost to the finish line, just a few more steps and he would be safe. With Ian. 

Mickey must’ve zoned out into a daze probably from the loss of blood, because he didn’t remember going up the stairs, but now he was face to face with the front door. 

He could hear faint mumbles coming from the inside, meaning someone was home. Thank God. Even if Ian wasn’t there, someone would be. And he knew the Gallagher siblings and he knew any of them would be willing to help him. 

Mickey used up the rest of the strength he had in him to knock on the door. It wasn’t a very loud knock but someone heard him because not too long after the door swung open. 

Fiona was the only who answered. She had a very happy look on her face which quickly changed when she processed what she was seeing. 

“Holy shit Mickey! Are you ok?” Fiona exclaimed as she pulled Mickey into the house. He was greeted by the rest of the Gallaghers, one of them being Ian. 

Ian and his siblings immediately helped Mickey and told him he could stay with them for a few days, or at least until he felt safe to go home. 

During those few days Mickey was there, Ian was really sweet to him. He helped Mickey and talked to him. Ian sat and listened to everything Mickey had to say and felt bad for him. That had never happened before. It seemed that the only person who actually cared about Mickey was Ian. 

They had both known each other and had been good friends for years, but those few days they spent together, made them even closer. 

Mickey wasn’t sure why that was the first thing that came to mind when he saw the mystery man, but he did. 

Growing up Mickey had no one. Sure he had a huge ass family and there were plenty of people his age he could be friends with, but that didn’t stop him from feeling lonely. 

The only person who made Mickey feel loved, happy, was Ian. 

And that’s why losing Ian was one of the most difficult things in the world. 

But Mickey realized he couldn’t live like that. He needed to move on. He needed to change who he was, so that’s exactly what he did. 

Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do, but he blocked out all the years of trauma, all the years of pain and hurt. It had been 10 years since he last thought about his awful childhood, but now all those memories were coming back. The barrier that separated his past life from his current life was now gone. 

______________

It had now been a week since the weird interaction. 

Mickey decided it was a coincidence and he didn’t need to look into it. But of course, his mind wouldn’t drop it. No matter what he did, it was always in the back of his head. A lingering thought that Ian was in fact not dead, and he had been the dude that winked at Mickey that night. 

But the thing was, Mickey isn’t a teenager anymore. He isn’t that 16 year old kid he once was. He was a grown man, and grown men didn’t let dumb thoughts take over. 

Maybe if he was 16 and some shit like this happened, he would look into it. He would let it keep him up at night, let it take over ever thought in his head, let it be the only thing he thought about. But now, he couldn’t, wouldn’t let that happen. He had a life. A life he couldn’t give up to try and figure out some dumb shit that would 100% end up being a waste of time. 

Although the thoughts about what happened remained in the back of his head, he decided to forget it. It was dumb, plus he had better things to worry about. Like money and bills and work and all that other adult shit. 

Mickey never complained about his life, well at least he tried not to, because it could be worse, things could be a lot worse. 

Mickey’s life wasn’t amazing. I mean he had a job, a house, and was easily able to pay bills, buy food, and have money leftover for other things. But he just felt like he wanted more. He was lonely. He had no friends and no family. 

Sometimes Mickey felt down, sad. He hated living like a broken record that plays the same damn song over and over. There’s nothing new, or exciting in his life. Ever. 

That sucked, but Mickey always reminded himself everything could be so much worse. He was thankful he wasn’t still living on the Southside. He wasn’t still trapped in his father’s horrible grip. He was free, and could be himself. 

Maybe that's the reason why he felt so… strange? About what occurred a week ago, because it gave him some sort of hope. It’s like seeing that man, who looked just like Ian set fire through his body. Maybe what he was feeling, all those thoughts were some sort of awakening. Like maybe something new and exciting was about to happen to him. He would finally feel a thrill he hadn’t felt since he was 16 years old. 

It was stupid though. It had been a whole week and there was no sign of that red haired boy. 

So Mickey went back to his boring life. The life with no thrill or excitement. 

________________

It was a Friday and Mickey was walking home from the L. 

It was nearing mid November meaning it was cold as fuck. Mickey always hated the cold, but it was sort of hard to avoid it when you lived in Chicago.

Anyway it had been a long fucking day and Mickey was really looking forward to the weekend. Sure, he spent most of his life alone, but sometimes it was nice to spend a weekend alone in some peace and quiet, especially when you’re the manager of a store and people are up your ass all day. 

Truthfully Mickey hadn’t thought about Ian or what happened that one night in a while. 

It happened weeks ago, and well life continued on. Mickey did live a pretty boring life but that didn’t mean he wasn’t busy. He worked, and his job was far from easy. He always had non stop days, and that caused him to have very little time to think about Ian, or his past. 

But for some reason, this particular night, Mickey’s thoughts were racing. 

He remembered what happened. For some reason that night, it was all he could think about. 

His mind went back to that late October night just a few weeks ago. And for some strange reason the incident was more clear in his head than it was the night it happened. It was weird. He remembered more details from that night. 

He remembered the gang of people and their voices and what they looked like. He wasn’t exactly sure, but there seemed to be about 8 people, maybe more, maybe less. It was difficult to tell their builds because it was dark, but they all seemed to be men. They were all wearing some sort of black ski mask. Each of the masks had an opening for their eyes and mouth, but Mickey still wasn’t able to tell what the people actually looked like. He also couldn’t tell how old they were, but he assumed they were pretty young. Each of them were wearing all black and wore only long sleeves so no skin was showing. Mickey could remember hearing them talk, but wasn’t able to make out what they were saying. 

He also now remembered more about the one who looked like Ian. The one Mickey now referred to as “the mystery guy”. 

His skateboard had a black grip, blue wheels, and the bottom seemed to be filled with stickers. He was wearing black hightop vans, and black skinny jeans. He wore a tight black long sleeve shirt and had black gloves on both hands, just like the rest of the group of men. 

The mystery man also carried a tan beat up baseball bat in his left hand. 

Mickey could tell he was skinny, but also very muscular. 

When the so-called mystery man took off his mask and winked, Mickey saw his pale skin and bright eyes. He also saw his fire red hair; it was long on the top and shorter on the bottom. 

There were most definitely a shit ton of men that looked like this, but something about this man, something about him made Mickey think of Ian. This man’s existence reminded Mickey so much of Ian. It brought back so many memories. 

The last time Mickey saw Ian he looked different. He had short hair. It was like a buzz cut, but more grown out. Ian was pretty scrawny, but starting to get more muscular. Mickey can remember how tall he was. Mickey was the same height he is right now, 5’7, and Ian had at least 4 inches on him at the time, maybe more. 

It was strange to Mickey that this mystery man reminded him so much of Ian, when Ian looked completely different the last time he saw him. 

It was just strange. Maybe it was a coincidence. Maybe that kid just happened to notice Mickey and decided to mess with him, because that’s what him and his friends did. 

But it was weird right? How it was that one, the one that looked just like Mickey’s old friend. There were 7 other people that could’ve stopped. But it was him. And how come the second Mickey saw him he immediately thought of Ian? 

If it was a coincidence it sure was a weird one. 

Mickey had definitely zoned out on his walk home because he was now standing at his front door, and he didn’t even remember leaving the L train. 

Mickey tried to shake the thoughts. He had a long day and he was fucking tired. All he needed right now was a beer, food, and to go the fuck to sleep. 

As Mickey popped open a beer and placed a frozen pizza in the oven those damn thoughts still lingered in his mind. But now he was thinking of Ian and his family. 

Mickey hadn't thought about Ian or any of his other family members in years. 

It was crazy to think at one point in his life he was so close with someone and their siblings, but now he didn’t even think of them. 

Mickey was now sitting at his kitchen table with his partially burnt pizza contemplating something that was really fucking stupid. 

He didn’t know why, but he was contemplating searching for Ian’s siblings. 

He knew it was really stupid, but maybe this would make him foget. Like some type of closure or some shit. 

So here Mickey was on the search section of instagram about to search for Ian’s family members. 

Mickey decided to search for Lip, who he remembered was Ian’s oldest brother. He wasn’t surprised to find he had no instagram or any other social media. Lip just seemed like the type of person who didn’t give a shit about social media. 

Mickey moved on to Fiona. Fiona was basically Ian’s mom, and she was super sweet to Mickey as well. Mickey felt like such a fucking stalker when he found her instagram, but that didn’t stop him from looking through it. He found she was now living in Florida, and was a real estate agent or something like that. 

From there Mickey went through each Gallagher. 

An hour or so later he had successfully stalked almost every member of the Gallagher family. 

He found that Debbie, Ian’s little sister, now had a kid and was a lot older than she was the last time Mickey saw her. Carl didn’t post much, but Mickey could see he had also grown up a lot. Most of all he was shocked to see how big Liam was. Holy shit. Mickey was feeling like an old man. It had been 10 years which is a long time, but he never realized how much people change until then. 

Mickey also happened to notice around the anniversary of Ian’s passing or his birthday, his siblings would post something about him. It was sweet, really. And it was nice to see pictures of Ian again. It was nice to see the Ian he grew up with. The only person he ever felt comfortable with. 

That stalking session just proved even more that Ian was dead. But Mickey still felt weird about it. I mean he would know Ian if he saw him, right? 

Anyway, it was late and Mickey was tired and over it, so he went to bed. 

____________________

Mickey was dead asleep when he was suddenly awoken by a noise outside. 

It sounded like someone threw something, like a rock maybe. 

Mickey glanced over at the clock and saw it was 3:30am. Who the fuck would be outside at this hour. 

Mickey flipped over and tried to fall back asleep, but something was telling him to stay awake. To get up and look out the window. It was really weird, but Mickey couldn’t ignore it. 

Mickey looked outside onto the dark street to see the same gang he saw that night a month ago. Holy shit. 

This time there were significantly less people. Mickey counted only four when last time he saw at least 8. 

When the group was almost out of sight the person in the back slowed down and looked back. He looked back. Back at Mickey. 

It was only for a quick moment, but whoever it was they knew Mickey was there. They looked back at him. They practically made eye contact with him. 

Could that have been the mystery man? Could it have been Ian?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Let me know how you felt about this chapter! 
> 
> Ok, so when Ian was younger picture him how he looked in season three. And picture the mystery man to have the same hair style Ian did in season five. (Which is my favorite hair style of his)  
> Also picture Mickey like he is in season ten. Same style and everything! 
> 
> I will try to get chapter 3 out sometime this week. Maybe this coming weekend. Im not sure I'll see how much time I have to write. I was just super motivated to write this weekend haha. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! :)


	3. "Mickey?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey finally decides it's time to find closure. To finally say goodbye to the person he used to be. But, something happens that makes that a bit difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

Maybe Mickey was so obsessed with this because there was hope. 

There was a chance. A chance that Ian was still alive. That maybe, just maybe Ian didn’t actually die, and that he’s still alive, still here. 

Mickey mourned the loss of Ian 10 years ago, but in some way he never really let go fully. He never really let the fact that Ian was gone settle in his brain. He knew Ian was gone, but maybe he was still in denial. That’s a thing right? When someone you love dies, you go into denial. Maybe that’s what Mickey was experiencing. Because of the fact he never truly came to terms with Ian’s passing, he’s in denial. The “mystery man” is just someone that happened to look like Ian, and for some reason Mickey is trying to convince himself it’s Ian. 

That sounded crazy though. But what other answer could there be? Mickey needed closure. He needed to forget Ian once and for all. 

But he just couldn’t. 

Growing up all Mickey had was Ian. Ian was the only person who was ever there for him, and treated him like he wasn’t just some Southside piece of trash. 

That’s why losing him was so fucking hard. 

Trauma. Trauma is the one and only word Mickey could use to describe his past. He went through more in 18 years of life than most people do in their whole entire life. 

Dealing with emotions was never Mickey’s thing. He would always hide how he felt about everything and everyone. All those emotions just piled up and he let them. He never did anything about it, ever. Mostly because he couldn’t, but mostly because he was afraid. 

From the beginning Mickey was told emotions were for pussys. 

When Mickey was a kid, he would cry and get upset just like everyone else. 

Like when he got a scrape on his knee, or was sick, or just felt down because someone was mean to him (which rarely happened) he would cry. He would show emotion, because that’s just what you do. It’s a thing every human does. 

When you’re hurt you feel pain. You get sad. All you want is to have someone comfort you and tell you everything is going to be ok, even if it’s not. 

The situation doesn’t matter. Humans feel emotion. When you feel good emotions you want to tell everyone. When you feel bad emotions you just want someone to comfort you. And Mickey was no different. 

But instead of being able to share happy things or crying to his dad when he felt down, Mickey got harsh words and a slap to the face. 

He got a “shut up you little pussy. Men don’t cry.” Instead of a rub on the back and a “it’s going to be ok.” 

So yeah, that’s probably why Mickey has never been good at showing emotion. Never been good at understanding how he felt on the inside. 

And maybe that’s why instead of grieving Ian, he blocked him out of his memory. And that’s why when he left the Southside, he blocked every memory from his brain. 

It’s all he could do, just block out everything. Forget it. Store it away somewhere in his brain nowhere to be seen again. 

It wasn’t the healthiest thing to do, Mickey knew that, but what other option did he have? There wasn’t one. He wasn’t going to ever admit any feeling or trauma that happened in the past. It just wasn’t the way he was taught. The way he grew up.`

And although it’s been years since Mickey had been under Terry’s care. Under his horrid grip. Mickey still felt scared. Still felt like if he were to admit how he felt, and admit he needed to let go of his past, his dad would be there to smack him across the face. 

Mickey told himself, promised himself, that he would never, ever revisit his childhood. He would never think about it again, but now he was conflicted. 

Deep down he knew he had to revisit his past. He needed to find closure so he could finally be free. So he could finally learn how to deal with emotions and just be able to show them. 

Maybe then he would be happy. 

Now, as Mickey sat staring out the window, memories that he had blocked out of his mind years ago were flooding back in. It was like a floodgate opened and all the water was now rushing in. 

Somehow Mickey was able to block out a mass majority of his childhood. 

He wasn’t exactly sure if that was normal, but he assumed it was all the trauma. All the things that caused his mental health to plummet. All the words his dad would yell at him. All the shitty experiences he grew up having. 

When bad things happen to you, sometimes you are just able to block it out. Put it someplace in your brain where you will never remember it. Like it never happened. 

But now it was all coming back, thanks to that one stupid thing that happened that one stupid night a month ago. 

All the awful things that Mickey had been able to block out of his memory were all coming back. 

He began to feel overwhelmed, scared. 

He had thought of all the abuse he went through. Everything his own father put him through. 

Mickey was shaking and practically on the verge of tears when another memory came up in his mind. 

How the fuck did he forget this? How did he manage to block out this? 

Mickey was now remembering this one moment him and Ian shared. 

Ian was gay and Mickey knew that. He’d know that from the time they were in 9th or 10th grade. He told Mickey around the same time he came out to the rest of his family. 

Mickey always felt comfortable with Ian. He always felt like he could tell him anything and everything. But telling Ian he was also gay was never an option. 

Mickey wanted to. He wanted to tell Ian more than anything, but he couldn’t risk it. He knew Ian would keep it a secret and he obviously wouldn’t judge, but it was too risky. 

What if one day they weren’t friends anymore? What if something happened and Ian accidentally told someone. Mickey just couldn’t have anyone else know. Not if he wanted to stay alive. So he kept it a secret, even from Ian. 

Ian would always tell Mickey about all the dudes he got with. And Mickey wasn’t going to lie, he felt jealous. Not because Ian was able to be free, or because he was actually getting with other men, but because Mickey wanted to be the only person Ian hooked up with. Mickey wanted to be with Ian. 

Mickey hated it. He hated the fact he liked Ian, but he couldn’t help it. There was just something about Ian. He always felt like they had more than just a friend type of relationship. 

But the thing Mickey had suddenly remembered sent shock down his spine. How did he forget. This was such an important thing that happened in his life and now he was feeling guilty. 

Mickey and Ian were hanging out one afternoon after school. It was about a month before Ian died. They were hanging out in an abandoned building that wasn’t too far from their homes, passing a joint back and forth. 

This abandoned building was their spot. It was the place they went to, to get away from life. To forget about everything and just be Ian and Mickey. 

It’s also where they went to do illegal shit, like smoke or drink because no one would ever be able to find or see them. 

At this point they were on their second joint and were definitely feeling the effects. 

Somehow their conversation ended in Mickey’s lips against Ian’s. 

He wasn’t sure how it happened. They were just having a normal conversation and then suddenly they were talking about sexuality and then Mickey admitted he was gay and then they kissed. 

The kiss just felt so right, so natural. 

It was Mickey’s first kiss, but it was the best feeling in the world. Everything about it felt so right, so real. He wasn’t sure how Ian felt about it, but Mickey fell even more in love with Ian. He wanted to be with him even more. 

They didn’t talk about it after it happened. Mickey never learned how Ian felt. 

Mickey had planned to talk to Ian. Tell him how he felt. Ask Ian if he had felt the same. But by the time he got the courage it was too late, Ian was gone. 

Mickey’s breath began to quicken as he remembered this. 

He wasn’t sure how he had forgotten this but he did. And now that he remembered it he knew. He knew why he felt that way when he saw that kid that looked like Ian. 

Mickey loved Ian, he wanted Ian. 

Mickey was now remembering why Ian’s death shattered him into so many pieces. It was because Mickey felt Ian died because of him. Because he didn’t want to be with Mickey. He didn’t want to have to deal with Mickey anymore. 

That was probably not the case, but that’s how Mickey’s mind processed things. That was just the way he thought. 

Mickey then had a realization. What if Ian faked his death. What if he did it to get away. Away from Mickey. Away from his life. 

It was crazy, but just what if? 

Mickey was feeling insane, but he remembered that just moments before all those memories came back, he saw that gang. They couldn’t have been too far away by now so he decided to do something that in the long run was really stupid. 

Without even thinking he ran. He ran out of his house and down in the street in only his pajamas and a pair of socks. 

He didn’t even think about what he was doing or why he was doing it. He just did it, it just felt right. Something inside him wanted to see if that was in fact Ian. If he was actually losing his mind for a reason, or if it was just stupid. 

So here he was. Mickey Milkovich the 26 almost 27 year old man running down the street at three in the morning trying to find a gang of men, who not only were kinda creepy, but they all had baseball bats and knives. 

Once Mickey realized what he was doing he stopped dead in his tracks. 

This was fucking dumb. Why was he doing this? 

The gang was gone and he just looked like a big idiot standing in the middle of the road in the early hours of the morning. What he had just done surprised himself. 

But what he did next surprised himself even more. 

A wave of every emotion imaginable fell upon Mickey. It was like a five hundred pound weight was just placed on top of him. 

Mickey then fell to his knees and burst out in tears. 

Mickey didn’t cry, he didn’t feel emotion, ever, but today, right now, was different.

Mickey had just remembered all the shitty things that happened in his life. He just remembered why he blocked out all his childhood memories and why he left the Southside as soon as he could. 

26 years of emotion were all making an appearance. Mickey was now feeling everything he hid as a child and as a teen. 

And it was all because of that damn redheaded dude on the skateboard. 

What the fuck was happening? In this moment Mickey didn’t feel like himself. He hadn't felt like himself in a long time. Since around the time he started thinking about Ian. 

Mickey, the grown ass man, was bawling on the ground in the middle of the road. He realized how ridiculous this was, so he picked himself up and took himself back home. 

On the way back home he realized he couldn’t keep living like this. He needed to know if that was Ian. If it was he needed to find some sort of closure. If it wasn’t he still needed to return to his roots and find closure there. 

Either way he needed to change something. Needed to finally get over all these years of pain. Needed to find that closure. 

_____________

Mickey spent the rest of his weekend convincing himself. Trying to convince himself to go back home. To see some of the people he grew up with. Walk the streets and see the buildings that have so many memories, most of them being bad. 

Ok this was weird and crazy. Mickey knew that. 

He knew he should’ve got himself all wrapped up in a dumb coincidence. But he did and he was too far in to pull himself out. 

Mickey knew, he knew the second he left the Southside, the second he promised himself to never go back, one day he would. He would return home. That day just came a lot sooner than he had thought. 

Mickey did block out those memories, or at least he tried, but he always knew he would have to face his past. 

He hdid end that chapter, and he did start a new one, but he knew nothing lasts forever, and denying his past never happened was one of those things. 

Mickey wanted to feel sane again, and he knew the one and only way to do that was to go back home. To say goodbye once and for all. 

________________

It was now Friday. The week snailed by. All he could focus on was everything that happened, everything that needed to happen, everything that would happen. 

But, the week had finally come to an end. Finally. 

Mickey had planned that this day, Friday, was going to be the day. It was going to be the day he returned back home. To finally get some goddamn closure. To finally say goodbye, to finally move on, to finally put the old Mickey to rest. 

Over the past few days Mickey had thought less and less about Ian and about the mystery man who resembled him. 

There were more important things on Mickey’s mind now. 

He took seeing that redhead as a sign. A sign he needed to stop saying he did in fact have his shit together. For him to finally say he wasn’t ok and he really hadn’t forgotten his past and he really hadn’t left his old self behind. 

That scared, little, mean, teenager was still in Mickey, somewhere. 

Today Mickey was going to go to the Southside. The place he once called home. The place he did call home not many years before. 

At around 4pm Mickey decided to leave the house. He was off of work that day because the store was closed, for a reason Mickey didn’t know because he didn’t care. 

Mickey lived no more than 15 minutes away from the Southside. 

It was an easy walk and an even easier drive, but in the years he’s lived in his current house, he has never stepped foot in that place. And truthfully he never planned on it either. 

Mickey’s nerves started to go crazy as soon as his view went from nice new houses, to old crappy beat up houses. 

After ten years he was back. 

Mickey wasn’t sure what he was going to do there. He knew he wanted to find closure or some shit like that, but how exactly was he supposed to? 

For some reason earlier that day Mickey decided to research closure and all the shit. He read it’s really important to let go of whatever it was and move on. 

Basically the whole blocking out memories was the worst possible thing he could do, especially for his mental health. 

He knew he was doing the right thing, but for some reason it just felt so wrong. 

Mickey never broke promises ever, but here was, breaking the one single promise he made to himself. Fuck it. 

Mickey knew the Southside like the back of his hand. He knew every street, every building, nearly everyone who lived in every house. He still felt lost though, confused. 

Ten years had gone by, but it felt like nothing had changed. Mickey felt like that teenaged idiot once again. It was strange, it was all very strange. 

Mickey decided to just turn off his brain and let his feet take him wherever. 

Somehow Mickey ended up facing the chain linked fence of an old beat up blue house. The Gallagher house. 

Mickey had spent so many hours of his life in that place. He went through so much in that place. It was almost surreal to be there again. 

He just stood there and stared, looked, remembered. 

After a few moments Mickey decided to move on, to go somewhere else. No closure was going to come by just standing in front of an old crappy house that the Gallaghers probably didn’t live in anymore. 

Moments after he turned to walk away a voice called for him. 

“Hey, you’re Mickey Milkovich right?” 

Shit. As he heard this somewhat familiar voice every nerve in his body practically exploded. Although he wanted to just run away, he knew he couldn’t. That would defeat the whole purpose of coming here, so he turned around. 

As soon as his body was facing a new direction he saw who had called for him. 

It was Lip, Ian’s brother. 

He looked good. He was definitely a bit older, but he didn’t look much different than he did the last time Mickey saw him. He had a buzzcut and wore bags under his eyes. Mickey’s eyes darted down and he saw Lip was holding a sleeping baby in his arms. 

Socializing wasn’t Mickey's thing. He never knew how to respond to anyone. This situation was no different, so he just smiled. 

Lip then walked a bit closer to get a better look at Mickey. “Holy shit, I haven’t seen you in ages, how are you man?” Lip asked. 

Mickey stared down at his boots. “Um, yeah it's been awhile. I’m good though. You seem… um tired,” Mickey said in the nicest way possible as he motioned his hand towards Lip. 

Lip just chuckled. Mickey’s always been one to crack jokes or say something offensive that people just laugh at. “Yeah, parenthoods tough,” Lip smiled looking down at his kid. 

They both just stood looking at each other for a moment. It was weird but at the same time nice, to see Lip. 

“So, what are you doing back here? Thought you moved,” Lip said as the baby in his arms began to fuss. 

“Yeah… I uh just thought it was time to come back,” replied Mickey. 

Lip looked like he was about to say something else but was cut off by a cry coming from the little baby in his arms. “Shit, sorry man gotta go feed him. It was good seeing you Mickey, glad to see you’re doing good,” smiled Lip as he walked up the wooden stairs lined with put out cigarettes and joints. 

“Actually I’m not doing good. I saw your dead brother last month, and it’s driving me fucking crazy. Only came back because of him.” Is what Mickey wanted to say, but instead he just walked away. He couldn’t say that, especially not to the brother of Ian. 

At this point the sun was begging to set. It was only around five, but because of daylight savings, the damn sun goes down way too early. 

Mickey just decided to walk around a bit more. He ended up going by the Milkovich home, but he only gleaned at it and it seemed to be abandoned. He wasn’t surprised though. His dad was in prison and why would any of his siblings still be living there? 

It was weird to say, but Mickey felt better. Going back to the Southside, made him feel ok. He felt like some of that weight was lifted off his shoulders. 

As Mickey reached his front door he heard a noise in the distance. The noise was familiar. It sounded like skateboard wheels rolling on the asphalt. 

The gang. 

That’s the first thing Mickey thought of as he looked around to see if he could see anyone, but there wasn’t a person in sight. 

“Whatever” Mickey thought as he went back to unlock his door. As he did he couldn’t help but notice a piece of paper stuck in the crack of the closed door. It fell to the ground as Mickey opened the door. He could now see it was folded and there was something written on it. 

Abandoned building on Southside   
Be there at 11 

That’s all the note said. 

Mickey was shook from his confused daze when he heard the noise of the skateboard again. He looked over his right shoulder and saw red hair, glistening under the lights from the stars, in the distance. 

He knew that was the mystery man. He knew this was no longer just a coincidence. That had to be Ian, it just had to. 

Well, whoever it was, they were gone before Mickey could take another look. 

____________

He knew this was really stupid, but he had made up his mind. 

Mickey was going to be at that abandoned building at 11. 

There were lots of abandoned buildings in the Southside but Mickey knew which one to go to. He knew to go to the one Mickey and Ian spent most of their time as kids. 

It was stupid. There was probably a 90 percent chance he was going to get killed, but at this point he didn’t care. All he wanted was to find out who this orange haired idiot was and why he was messing with Mickey. 

____________

At exactly 11 Mickey was standing in that damn abandoned building. 

It was dark and cold. He wasn’t going to admit it, but he was kind of scared. Mickey wasn’t that fearless “I’ll kick your ass” kid anymore. 

It was starting to get unbearably cold around fifteen minutes later. 

There was not a person in sight. Mickey was over it. Why was he being such an unreasonable idiot? It wasn’t Ian, it couldn’t be. There was absolutely no possible way Ian was alive. This was all a coincidence. Just a huge misunderstanding. So he decided to leave. It was cold and this was stupid anyway. 

As he neared the exit of the building Mickey saw something. Something familiar looking. There was a skateboard propped up on one of the cracked dirty walls. It had a black grip, blue wheels, and the bottom was covered in stickers, just like the one the mystery man had. 

Whatever. Mickey didn’t care anymore. Yes, it was weird, but Mickey just wanted to go home. 

Mickey just shook it off and continued walking away from the building. But then he heard a voice. An all too familiar voice. A voice he knew, one he’d heard thousands of times. 

“Mickey?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger ;) But don't worry chapter 4 will be out toward the end of the week. I know I just posted like yesterday, but I've been really motivated to write. I also want to get as many chapters done as possible right now, because I'm going to be super busy at the end of the month. Hope you don't mind my excessive posting.
> 
> I've never mentioned this before, but I found this prompt off of a youtube comment. I loved the idea so much and decided to turn it into a shameless fic. Also if you know what song the title is from I love you. 
> 
> Ok, I know things are probably a bit confusing, but trust me it'll make more sense soon. There's also 8 or so more chapters so lots of time to answer questions. But please feel free to ask any questions you have!
> 
> The first three chapters were more for some backstory and I know they kind of dragged on, but now it's going yo start to get more interesting and more is going to happen. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you though of this chapter!


	4. The Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could it actually be Ian? Could Ian really be alive and no more than 10 feet away from Mickey?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

That voice. The voice that just called Mickey’s name. It was all too familiar. 

It had been 10 years since Mickey had heard that voice. 

10 years. A whole fucking decade. 

Right as the last syllable of the word “Mickey” left the lips of the person speaking, Mickey knew it was Ian. There was no way it couldn’t have been. 

10 years is a really long time. The last time Mickey heard Ian speak was 10 years ago. They were still teneagers, and now they’re grown men. Adults. 

Obviously the voice had changed over the past decade, but there was something about it. Something so similar. So comforting. Mickey was now feeling the way he would when Ian talked to him. Safe. 

Ian Gallagher had a very distinct voice. It was soft, but at the same time powerful. The last time Mickey heard it, it was still high pitched and would crack every once in a while. 

The voice that had just called Mickey’s name came from the same person. Sure, the voice was a lot deeper, but it was the same, just older, and more mature. 

Mickey stood still. Frozen in his tracks. He couldn’t believe what was happening. 

He was too scared to turn around. Too scared to face Ian again. 

Was Mickey just going insane? When he turned around was there going to be no one looking back at him? And if there was someone it couldn’t be Ian… right? 

Mickey just stood staring into the buildings in the distance, trying to steady his breath. What exactly was happening and why was it happening to Mickey? 

There was silence. No movement, no sound. Just the slight distant sound of the hustle and bustle of the busy city, Chicago. 

It had to have been at least two minutes before thoughts started finding their way back into Mickey's mind. It’s like for those two minutes after he heard his name, time froze, everything froze. 

Then Mickey heard slight shuffling behind him. There was definitely another person behind him. No more than ten feet away from him, stood another person. It may not be Ian, but there was definitely someone there. 

The one and only way Mickey would truly know if Ian was still alive, if he was standing right behind him, is turning around. All he needed to do was turn around and then he would know the truth. Understand all the weird fucking shit that has happened to him over the past few weeks. 

But a simple turn, just 90 degrees seemed like so much. There was so much that would happen if he did turn around. So much would change. His whole life could take a complete turn, just by facing a different direction. 

Mickey was scared. Worried. But mostly he was confused. How could someone who was dead be standing right behind him? How could someone he literally saw in a casket before they were buried in the ground be 10 feet away from him? 

Even if Ian had faked his death there was no way he could’ve hid that long. By now someone should know, right? You can’t fake a death. And why is he just no coming back? Why now? After 10 years Ian, if that was even him, decided to come back. Decided to see Mickey. 

Mickey considered his options. He could run and never look back. He could forget about everything that happened and go back to his normal life. Or he could turn around. He could see if it was actually Ian. See the one and only person he ever cared about once more. 

Not much thought was put into this. Mickey knew he had to turn around. He had to. There was no way he could just act like nothing ever happened. Like he hadn’t just heard someone who is also dead just call his name. Mickey needed answers and he needed them now. He needed to know. He needed to know what has been driving him insane from the past month. 

Mickey sucked in a deep breath. Now or nothing. 

Mickey’s nerves were getting the best of him. It felt like he couldn’t move, or breath, but could you blame him? There was so much going on and he was about to maybe, see someone who was buried 6 feet deep 10 years prior. 

Mickey took one more deep breath and toyed with the skin around his nails, trying to cool down a little bit. 

On the count of three. On the count of three Mickey was going to turn around. He was going to see if it was in fact Ian, or if he was just losing his mind. 

One… Two… Three… 

Mickey’s heart sank down to his feet when his eyes finally focused. When he finally processed what he was looking at. Who he was looking at. 

It was Ian. Ian Clayton Gallagher. The same Ian that was Mickey’s best friend. The same Ian who cared and loved Mickey. The same Ian that was dead. 

“Ian is dead.” Mickey said to himself as he slammed his eyes shut and squeezed his fingers into the palm of his hand to make a fist. Ian is dead. There is no way. Absolutely no way he was standing in front of Mickey. It was impossible. 

It was just a dream. Mickey was just dreaming. That was the only explanation. When Mickey opened his eyes he would be in his bed at home and there would be no Ian. Because there couldn’t be. 

Mickey took in the slowest, deepest breath and opened his eyes. 

He was in fact not dreaming. Everything that was happening was real, no matter how fake it felt. No matter how much it felt like a dream, it wasn’t. Ian was alive, and he was standing just a few inches away from Mickey. 

Mickey was speechless. He couldn’t form any word, hell he could barely breathe. Ian wasn’t saying anything either. He was just standing there with an expressionless face just staring, looking at Mickey. He was just watching Mickey fall apart, right in front of him. 

Ian. Where to even start. 

He looked the same but different in so many ways. He looked more mature, which made sense, because it had been 10 years. A whole decade. 

He was much taller. Last time Mickey saw Ian he was only a few inches taller than him. He had to be 5’10” but now he was at least 6’0”. His hair was the same bright orange, but it was much longer now. Mickey liked it better though, it suited him. He was still pretty skinny, but now he was much more buff, a lot more in shape. Mickey could see an outline of abs through the thin t-shirt Ian was wearing. 

Ian had on dark skinny jeans, similar to the ones he wore the first time Mickey saw him, a black short sleeve t-shirt which revealed his strong arms, and black hightop Vans. 

Ian’s face though. 

Mickey looked at his face and felt so safe. So at home. He was reminded of all the times he saw Ian’s face. All the times Ian made him laugh and smile and cry. 

Ian’s face was the same. His jawline was a bit sharper but everything else was the same. Such a familiar feeling fell upon Mickey as his eyes brushed over the features of Ian’s face. His nose. It was still covered in freckles and turned up at the end just a little bit. His eyes. They were still deep green and the lashes circling them were the same orange color. His lips. They were still a soft pink color and still looked soft and puffy. His freckles. They still splattered all over his face. On his eyelids, on his cheeks, his forehead, everywhere. 

Holy shit. He was in fact face to face with Ian. He wasn’t dead. He was alive. More than alive. 

Mickey felt like he was going to pass out. 

He still felt like he was dreaming. He still felt like at any moment he would wake up and this would all go away. But it didn’t. As the minutes went on everything started feeling more real. 

Mickey didn’t know what to do. What even are you supposed to do in a situation like this? 

He still wasn’t buying it so he walked closer to Ian. Maybe if he touched Ian, felt his presence he would believe it. So he did. He reached out his right hand and touched Ian’s shoulder. 

He was real. This was Ian. 

The feeling of Ian felt so nice. So real. 

After a moment Ian chuckled and placed his left hand on top of Mickey’s and stared into his eyes. 

Ian’s touch felt the same. So soft. So gentle. So right. 

“Hey Mick,” Ian said as he looked back into Mickey’s eyes. 

Mick. Mickey hadn’t been called Mick in years. Ian was the only person who has ever called him that. Mickey though he’d heard that name for the last time, but he was wrong. He just heard it and it felt so good. It felt so good to have Ian back. To be with Ian once more. 

Even though this made no sense, Mickey just took everything in. He just lived in the moment. He wasn’t going to let this time go to waste. He was standing face to face with Ian. He took everything in whilst he still could. 

It’s not real. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. 

Yeah, Mickey had his hand on Ian’s left shoulder, but it wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. 

But it was. It was all real. Somehow. 

Mickey tried to talk. He tried to spit out anything he could, but there was still too much adrenaline flowing through his blood. Too much shock. 

He just managed to speak out an embarrassing sound. Ian of course noticed and just chuckled at how ridiculous Mickey looked in that moment. 

Mickey couldn’t even imagine how much of an idiot he looked at that moment. His face was definitely white as a ghost and his mouth was definitely wide open. 

How else was he supposed to react. Someone who is literally dead is standing right in front of him. 

Ian. Standing right in front of him. 

What? This was so weird. 

“I- I um, bet you’re really confused huh?” Ian asked as he shifted from one foot to another. He was nervous, Mickey could tell. 

Mickey was then snapped back into reality. His brain was finally starting to process the fact that Ian was alive. Even 10 years after he died. 10 years after his death certificate was filed. 

Mickey just lifted his eyebrows in response. It was one of Mickey’s favorite ways to reply in any situation. But yeah, Mickey was really confused. Like really fucking confused. 

“B-but you’re… you’re dead,” Mickey said after a slight debate with himself to decide what to say. What exactly is one supposed to say to a dead guy? Or someone who you thought was dead. 

Mickey just wanted answers. 

He also wanted to never have this moment end. When he laid his eyes on Ian, a feeling rushed through his veins. It was the best feeling ever. It was a feeling Mickey hadn’t felt since the last time he saw Ian. It was nice. 

Mickey didn’t realize how much he missed Ian until he saw him. Ian was really the piece missing in his life. He was the emptiness Mickey had felt for so long. And now that Mickey was looking into those green eyes, he felt whole. 

Ian and Mickey had a strange relationship. They were only ever just friends, but it always felt like more than that, well at least to Mickey. They were just so similar and understood each other. They were each other’s light at the end of a deep and dark tunnel. 

After the last word left Mickey’s mouth a look fell on Ian’s face. He looked guilty. He just looked down at his shoes and kicked some rocks. It was strange the whole time they’d been together Ian was acting fine, considering he should be dead. But now that Mickey brought up the fact, Ian was acting strange. It was like he didn’t want to explain it. Didn’t want Mickey to know the truth. 

Ian slightly bit his lip and took a breath. “Yeah… um,” Ian was trying to search for words but he couldn’t find them.

Ian had always been a smartass. Always used these big annoying words and always seemed to know what to say no matter what. But right now, at this moment, he was at a loss for them. 

“But like are you alive or am I just going insane…?” Is all Mickey could say. Now wasn’t the time to make nice conversation or whatever. Mickey needed answers. The straight up answer no bs. 

“...Yeah… I’m uh alive,” Ian then paused. “I, bet you’re really confused,” Ian continued. 

Yeah Mickey was really fucking confused. 

This is the type of shit that only happens in movies or unrealistic tv shows. But somehow this was Mickey’s reality. 

He had asked for a change, for something interesting to happen in his life, but this was definitely not what he had in mind. 

Mickey nodded his head. 

This was real. Ian was really alive. 

Mickey was creating a mental list of questions to ask Ian. Like how the fuck was he alive. Where the fuck has he been. How did he fake his own death. But most of all why. Why did he do this. And why did he decide to come back now. 

“Look… I know this is really weird and I kn-” Ian said but was cut off by a voice in the distance. Mickey couldn’t really hear what they were saying but it seemed to be directed towards Ian. 

Ian then pulled his phone out of his back pocket. “Shit.” He whispered to himself as he pocketed his phone. Ian then turned around and grabbed the skateboard that had been propped up on the stone wall. 

Mickey had finally started to get some answers but now he was feeling even more confused. What was going on? 

Ian then returned back to the spot he stood in five seconds before. “I’m really sorry Mick, but I have to go,” said Ian as he placed his hand on Mickey’s forearm. 

“What? Wait why?” Mickey asked more confused than ever. Ian had asked Mickey to meet there. Not only had Ian been late, but now he was leaving without giving Mickey any explanation. 

“Gallagher, let’s fucking go!” A voice called. It was the same voice that they had heard earlier, but now it was much closer. Mickey turned to see two people. They both were dressed in all black and had skateboards. They were in the same gang, or whatever it was, as Ian. 

Mickey could only see the silhouette of the people because it was too dark, but they seemed to be men. Both seemed around the same age as both Ian and Mickey, but again it was too dark to tell for sure. 

“I’m sorry but I really need to go,” Ian said frantically as he walked closer to the men. “Thanks for coming though.” 

“So is this it? Is this the last time I’m ever going to see you or what?” asked Mickey. Was the only point of this to say goodbye. For Ian to see Mickey and say goodbye to him once more. 

“Nah man, I promise it’s not.” Is all Ian said before him and the two other masked people skated away. 

____________

Truthfully Mickey was now more confused than ever.

He thought he was finally going to get some answers, that he would be able to know the exact reason how Ian was alive. 

On his way home Mickey tried to think. He tried to understand what was happening. Trying to find an explanation to what the hell was going on. 

But Mickey’s mind was empty, he had no thoughts at that moment. 

So much had just happened in such a short amount of time. And truthfully he was in shock. 

_____________

It was hard, it had been really hard to ignore what happened. 

Even though some really fucked up stuff was going on, Mickey still had a life that he couldn’t just put on pause. 

It was driving him insane though. 

Most of the time if Mickey was confused he would just Google it and in .002 seconds he would have thousands of answers. But this wasn’t something he could just search this up. 

Over the next week or so Ian disappeared again. Mickey tried to look for him, but he wasn’t sure what to look for. He wasn’t sure where he could find him. 

Mickey had honestly thought he’d seen the last of Ian. He thought Ian just wanted to see him one more time. Wanted to say goodbye. 

It may not have been the most logical explanation, but nothing that had happened to Mickey in the past month had been logical. 

It was a Friday night in late November when Mickey’s life changed yet again. 

He had just gotten home from work and was in bed scrolling through his phone. In the distance there was an episode of Friends playing on his tv, but Mickey wasn’t paying much attention to it. It was mostly just for background noise. 

He was nearly half asleep when there was a pounding at the door. Immediately Mickey sprung from his bed. 

Most people would be really scared to hear a pounding on your door at 11:30 at night, but for Mickey it was nothing new. He was used to it. I guess that’s just what happens when you grow up the son of Terry Milkovich in the Southside of Chicago. Not much scares you anymore. 

And honestly Mickey gave no fucks, which was probably not the best thing. 

So, he went straight to the front door and swung it open without even looking through the small glass window in the middle of the black door. 

Behind the door was none other than Ian. 

No surprise there. Ian just loved messing with Mickey, then disappearing. He also loved being out at night when no one should even have their eyes open. Guess you kind of have to when the whole state of Illinois thinks you’re dead. 

In Ian’s hand was that damn skateboard. It seemed to be his only mode of transportation. He was wearing tight dark pants with rips, a dark blue sweatshirt and the same black hightop vans he always wore. There must have been a dress code for this gang because they all wore tight dark clothing. 

Mickey was over it. He was just about asleep and now he’s being forced to deal with this. Honestly at this point it was just annoying. Ian was probably just trying to mess with him or something. Absolutely none of this made any sense, but Mickey was tired of caring. It had been like two months and he still had no answers whatsoever. 

Mickey just sighed and pulled his shoulder to his ears to say “what?” 

Ian just stared at him with those deep green eyes. He looked like he was either about to murder Mickey, shit his pants or cry. Mickey wasn’t quite sure yet. 

It was now clear to Mickey, Ian wasn’t going to say anything so he just stepped back into his house and began to close the door. He wasn’t going to waste anymore of his time, if Ian was just going to stand there silent. 

“Wait!” Ian shouted as he stopped the door with his hand. “We need to talk…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you though of this chapter! 
> 
> I've had lots of fun writing this and I hope you're liking it. I'm still planning on about 8 or so chapter but we'll see. Everything is probably really confusing but trust me it'll all make sense soon. :) 
> 
> For the next few chapters would you prefer I write more chapters but have them be shorter or have less chapters but make them longer? I still haven't decided and thought I'd ask haha. Either way there will be around 8-10 chapters. 
> 
> I'll try to get chapter 5 out this weekend. I don't have an exact date yet. Maybe Saturday though. Just depends on how much motivation and time I have to write!
> 
> Thanks again for reading!! :)


	5. This Is Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was intact real. Ian was in fact alive. And he was standing right in front of Mickey. He wanted to talk. Maybe Mickey could finally get some answers. Finally get the reason for everything that has been going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

Everything still felt so strange. So bizarre. 

Mickey felt like he didn’t know what reality was. He felt like he couldn’t determine what was real and what was just a dream. 

Truthfully it all felt like a dream. He kept anticipating the moment when he would wake up and find none of this was real, but that moment never came, and it was never going to come. This was real. 100% real. 

Ian was alive. 

Ian was standing right in front of Mickey. 

This was real. 

But it still felt so strange, so off. It felt like something was wrong. Mickey didn’t know how to describe it, but he just had this gut feeling. This feeling like something about this wasn’t good. There was something dark and scary about the whole situation. 

Maybe not though. Maybe it was just the adrenaline still lingering in his body. The shock was still floating around his mind. The fact that he still wasn’t sure what exactly was happening. 

He didn’t know why or how, but Ian was here. Alive. And in that exact moment Mickey was staring into Ian’s green eyes. 

For some reason Mickey was extremely annoyed with Ian at this point. Well, there was a reason, he was sick of all of Ian’s bullshit. Ian had been messing with Mickey for two months, making him practically go insane. Then he finally decided to talk with Mickey, but once they met up he left without explaining anything. And now he was standing at Mickey’s door in the middle of the night saying they needed to talk. 

Yeah, they needed to talk, but Ian had that chance a while ago. What would make Mickey think Ian wasn’t going to dip again. 

Mickey just stood there, in the doorway shaking his head at Ian. 

It was crazy how not too long ago, Mickey was obsessed with the idea of Ian, but now that they’ve actually interacted he doesn’t care anymore. That’s a stretch. Mickey did still care, a lot actually, but if Ian was going to play this crap Mickey was going to move on. He was going to force himself. 

After a moment Ian finally took his hand off of Mickey’s white wooden door. He took a deep breath in and started to speak in a gently, soft tone. “I- I’m sorry about earlier… Can we just talk?” 

Mickey knew in the back of his mind that saying “no” would be the right thing to do. To just close the door and go back to sleep. This had been going on for too long, and while Mickey was still interested, he still had a life and one that didn’t revolve around Ian. 

But of course Mickey’s curiosity got the best of him. He couldn’t just say know. He could finally get some damn answers. I mean it was about damn time. 

Plus we are talking about Mickey. You know, the dude who literally loves Ian. He wasn’t just going to say know and pretend like he didn’t care. That was not an option. 

Mickey thought about what to say. How to respond to Ian. 

He felt speechless though. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to say, because he literally had a list of 100 questions to ask, he just didn’t know how to ask them. He wasn’t sure what he should say first or how he should ask it. 

He didn’t know where to start. 

“So… you’re not dead right?” Mickey asked as he took his bottom lip in between his teeth. It was a dumb question, he knew that. But he just wanted to make sure. Mickey was just confused. He knew Ian wasn’t a ghost or some shit like that, but Mickey saw Ian in his casket. He looked at Ian lying lifeless in there. He touched Ian’s cold skin. Mickey watched them close the casket, take it to the graveyard and bury it 6 feet underground. 

It just made no sense. How can you even fake something like that in the first place? Was his family in on it or something? Mickey just had so many questions and wanted to just blurt them all out right then and there. 

Ian looked down at his shoes shyly. “Yeah… I’m uh, alive.” 

How though? None of this was making any sense. 

“But how, Ian. I don’t understand. I fucking saw you dead at your funeral. How?” Mickey blurted as soon as Ian finished talking. Mickey wasn’t sure why, but he was starting to get angry. He started to feel all this range fill up through his body. 

He really almost threw his whole life away after Ian died, and he’s not dead. Mickey went through so much pain for what? Absolutely nothing. Why? Because Ian wasn’t dead. He was alive and seemed to be doing pretty damn well. 

Ian nervously looked around. He seemed on edge. The whole time he was standing on Mickey's front porch he seemed fine. But as soon as Mickey asked how the fuck he was still alive his mood immediatly changed. It was like that question was a sore subject. It was like Mickey had just brought up something traumatic that Ian still hadn't come to terms with yet. 

Then Ian finally spoke. “I- I can’t talk about it. Not yet.” 

What they fuck does that even mean? He couldn’t talk about it yet. Who did Ian think he was? Messing around with Mickey and then leaving him on edge all the time. This was starting to get really fucking annoying. 

“What, do I gotta earn an explanation for you or some shit?” Mickey asked in his Mickey Milkovich sarcastic tone. That tone usually came out when he was talking to someone who got on his nerves, and right now Ian was on every last nerve of Mickey’s. 

Ian just shrugged. It was obvious he wasn’t going to respond. Mickey just took that as a yes though. He was really going to have to earn an explanation and Mickey was really about to do anything and everything to get it. He sure was going to look like a big idiot, but fuck it. 

“Well can you at least tell me where you’ve been?” Mickey asked as he crossed his arms to give off an “I fed up” appearance. 

Ian just smiled that damn closed mouth grin he used to always do. “How bout’ I show you,” Ian said as his grim turned into a full smile. Teeth and everything. 

This was when Mickey gets killed, right? He’d seen it thousands of times on thousands of tv shows. There was at least one episode of Law and Order, Criminal Minds or Dateline where some shit like this happens. 

Was Mickey scared? Yes. Was he going to go? Hell yes. 

Mickey would just drop everything and go right in that second, but he didn’t want to seem like such a teenage girl. “Show me?” He asked in the same sassy and sarcastic tone he always used. 

Ian nodded his head. 

Fuck it. Who cares? Maybe Mickey would finally get some answers. Or maybe he would get killed or some shit like that. But what did he care? 

So Mickey changed into black jeans, a green sweatshirt, and some white slip one Vans. He then locked his door and followed Ian down the few steps of his porch. 

Mickey was starting to regret this. Regret ever caring or getting involved in all this shit, but it was too late now. He couldn’t go back, he wouldn’t go back, not now, not when he was so close to getting some answers. 

For a late November night in Chicago it was pretty warm, if you consider 40 degrees warm. But it was much better than the usual brutal almost winter weather that had been occurring the past few weeks. Mickey could breathe in and not have the cold air sting his lungs and throat. It was still cold as shit, but tolerable. 

Mickey walked behind Ian as they reached the sidewalk at the end of the pathway leading to Mickey’s house. 

The neighborhood was quiet, eerie almost. 

Mickey had lived in this house, in this neighborhood for years now, but it still felt strange. It still felt strange to be living in a normal nice neighborhood. To be living next to young families, not crackheads. It was strange to hear silence in the middle of the night. He was used to the noise of sirens and noisy un-thoughtful neighbors during the night. 

It took Mickey a while to get used to just living a normal life. 

“You gotta pretty nice house huh?” Ian asked pulling Mickey from his thoughts. 

Yeah. Yeah he did have a pretty nice house. It wasn’t the most beautiful thing ever. It was pretty small and definitely could use some renovations, but compared to the house he grew up in, it was a mansion. 

It had to be the most beat up house in the neighborhood, but MIckey didn’t care. It did what it was supposed to do. 

“Yeah,” Mickey quietly responded. 

Once, many many years ago conversation would flow so easily between the two men. It would flow like a song. Flow like a stream. They could carry a conversation about anything and everything. But now, it felt like both of them forgot how to socialize. Like neither of them knew how to communicate with another human being. 

Things just felt so awkward. Nothing felt normal or natural. 

They used to be so compatible and similar, what happened? 

It was probably the decade of time. Probably the fact they’re adults. They’ve changed and grown and not just physically. 

Mickey had changed completely. Physically and mentally. Most people from the Southside he used to know, probably wouldn’t even recognize him. 

Mickey really couldn’t tell quiet yet, but Ian also seemed to change in every way. As they spent more and more time together Mickey realized how different he was. Ian just seemed much more edgy and it was almost like he had this barrier. It was hard to explain but it just seemed like there was something keeping Mickey from seeing the real Ian. 

Mickey had seen the real Ian a countless number of times. Mickey has seen Ian during his best, his worst, and he’s even seen him dead. But now it seemed as though Ian wanted to keep Mickey out. It was like he was hiding a secret that could change the world. And while he technically did, there just seemed to be something else. Something more. Just something strange. 

But whatever. This whole fucking situation was strange of course Ian would act weird. 

One they were standing on the connected slabs of concrete, known as the sidewalk, Mickey was now able to see Ian’s skateboard lying deck down on the small patch of grass that separated the sidewalk and road. 

It was dark, but a streetlight was beaming down on them. It was specifically highlighting the skateboard. Mickey was now able to tell what exactly was covering the bottom of the board. 

It was covered in stickers, just as Mickey had thought. The more Mickey looked at those stickers the weirder it got. 

At first his eyes brushed over some Vans stickers, a few Thrasher stickers, and a few other random ones from brands Mickey had probably heard of before. 

But there were some that made Mickey do a double take. There wasn’t anything too alarming or concerning about them, they were just weird. There were a few stickers that had strange symbols or sayings on them and they were all dark colored. One of the stickers had the letters “FTMB”. Mickey had absolutely no idea what the hell that meant. 

I mean Mickey definitely didn’t need to get too wrapped up with the damn stickers, but it was just weird. 

Growing up Ian always had one particular style. He always wore pretty bright or colorful clothing. His personality matched his style. It was just bright and happy. 

But now Ian seemed to have a deep style and from what Mickey could tell his personality matched it. It was probably the fact he was in a gang or just the fact that people change. People get older and their style, personality, and interests just change. 

It was really not that deep, it just felt weird for Mickey. 

But he had to remind himself this isn’t 16 year old Ian. This isn’t the kid he used to be best friends with. 

Mickey realized he had let his thoughts take over again and maybe Ian noticed to. 

“Ready?” asked Ian as he grabbed his skateboard and stepped onto the asphalt of the road. Mickey nodded and followed Ian. 

They were now walking in the direction of the Southside. It was also the same direction he always saw Ian’s gang going in. 

Mickey had absolutely no idea where Ian was taking him, but he trusted him. He had always trusted Ian, and maybe right now it wasn’t the best time to, but whatever. Mickey just wanted to know. He wanted answers. He also just wanted to hang out with Ian. It felt nice to just be able to see his face once again. To be in Ian’s presence once more. 

They were silent the whole walk. There was so much to talk about, but at the same time nothing at all. Everything was just so strange. So off, but Mickey trusted that soon he would understand. Soon he would know what was happening and why Ian was back. 

They had been walking for at least 15 minutes when Ian turned to Mickey. He just looked, just took in Mickey and all his features. And, Mickey just let him, because not that many days before he did the same thing to Ian. 

“Been a while man,” he said, finishing the sentence with a sniffle. 

“Yeah. You’ve been dead or whatever for like 10 years. You gonna tell me about that anytime soon or…” Mickey replied. Messing with Ian was one of Mickey’s many talents and he sure as hell was going to show off that skill of his. 

Ian rolled his eyes and stuck up his left middle finger. That was a no. Ian was not going to tell Mickey what was going on. Whatever, it was worth a shot to ask. 

It had been no more than 10 minutes and they were now in the outskirts of Chicago. They were no longer in the busy city, they were in rural Illinois. 

Mickey had lived in that state his whole life and he had never really left the city. Only a couple times and it wasn’t for long. It was weird how they were only like 30 minutes away from the city, but it felt like they were in a whole new world. 

They were now walking on a deserted road surrounded by forest, still in complete silence. Ian then abruptly stopped. “Here.” He said pointing to a pathway in the woods. 

Of yeah, this is definitely where Mickey gets killed. Ian wants him to go into the deep dark woods! 

“So uh, you gonna kill me or what? Cause this is definitely shit that serial killers do,” Mickey asks as he stops dead in his tracks. Things were already weird but now they were definitely getting even weirder. 

“Really Mick? I’m not going to fucking kill you. So you coming or not?” Ian said as he turned to walk into the woods. 

Mickey was scared. This was definitely out of his comfort zone. Maybe if he was that rebellious 16 year old kid he once was he would do it without a doubt. If he were 16 he wouldn’t have even questioned Ian. But now that he was a grown man he did. He did question Ian because this felt really fucking wrong. 

But of course Mickey still went. He was scared shitless, but still followed the tall ginger into the forest. He knew in the back of his mind he would 100% regret this, but oh well. 

The two men only walked for a few minutes before the reached and old abandoned building. This seemed to be the place Ian was going to because he stopped. 

“Here we are,” Ian said as he gestured out his hands to present the crappy building in the woods. 

Ian then walked to the side of the building and walked into a cutout in the cinder blocks. And Mickey was two steps behind him. 

The building was really old and falling apart. He wasn’t even sure if it could be called a building anymore. 

Once they were inside Mickey could now see a bonfire surrounded by seven men. They all looked familiar. Mickey knew they were definitely the other men Ian had been skating with that one night. 

They all seemed pretty young. Only one or two were the age of Ian and Mickey, the rest seemed to be highschoolers. 

Ian walked over to the group of men and greeted them. They all seemed pretty friendly and happy to see Ian. 

Mickey had done some pretty weird shit in his life, but this definitely topped all of it. 

Was this like some sort of cult or gang. Did Ian only bring Mickey here to sacrifice him or try and make him a member? 

None of them seemed to notice Mickey was there. If they did notice they didn’t seem to care he was there because they weren’t even looking in his direction and none of them asked who he was. 

“Yo, everyone, this is Mickey, the guy I told you about,” Ian annoyed as he pointed in Mickey's direction. Ian had talked about him? For some strange reason that made butterflies erupt in Mickey’s stomach. God, he felt like the biggest idiot in the world. 

All the men seemed confused at first but then they seemed to slowly understand. 

“Oh no shit. Like the dude you grew up with and liked and shit,” One of the men said. Mickey looked over and saw who the words had come from. They dude seemed to be pretty young, like a teenager. Couldn’t have been older than 18 or 19. He had short blonde hair and was wearing dark clothing just like the rest of the men. 

Wait. Did he just say Ian liked Mickey? Holy shit. Mickey was about to pass out. 

Ian really did like Mickey. The feeling was mutual. 

Ian signed and shot the dude a glance as to say “shut the fuck up”. 

____________

Mickey had been in the weird abandoned building with Ian and all his friends or gang members or whatever they were for 30 minutes. 

Even though it had been 30 minutes Mickey still had absolutely no clue what was going on. He still had no answers. 

Although Mickey hadn’t gotten any answers about Ian or where he had been, he did learn about some of the men. They all seemed to be pretty close friends, and seemed to have known each other for a while. 

Mickey had been right. Most of them were in their late teen and early twenties. Ian and one other dude were there only in their mid twenties. 

He also learned they all lived pretty normal lives. They all had jobs and families. None of them explained what the gang was or why they were a part of it though. 

Soon it was just Ian and Mickey alone yet again. 

All seven of the other men had jobs and lives to get back to. They all had homes and jobs to get to in the morning. Mickey just found that so strange. Like these dudes had normal lives and they spent their time with someone who should be dead. 

Did they know about Ian? Did they know that he was dead? That he died 10 years ago. 

Mickey just had so many questions and was hoping he could finally ask them all now and get an answer. 

“So uh. I’m a part of a gang on the Southside and they’re all a part of it,” Ian said as him and Mickey left the building. 

That’s all Ian said though. Even when Mickey asked Ian still said nothing. He wasn’t going to reply or say anything else about the topic. 

This was dumb. It was nearly 3 in the morning and Mickey just wanted to go home. This was just a waste of time. Mickey wasted nearly three of his free hours following around Mickey, but got no answers in return. 

“Look… I’m going to go home now,” Mickey said as he turned to walk away. 

Ian knew where he lived. If Ian wanted to talk he could easily find Mickey. When Ian was finally ready to confess he knew where to go. 

“Wait… Don’t go yet. I need to tell you something,” Ian shouted as he ran towards Mickey and grabbed his arm to stop him from walking any further. 

Was this it. Was Mickey finally going to get some damn answers? 

“I’m sorry. Ok, I am. I just can’t tell you anything right now. I will though, just trust me.” 

Ian wanted Mickey to trust him. How could he when Ian had been lying to Mickey for 10 years. He had probably been lying their whole lives. 

“Whatever,” Mickey mumbled as he turned back around to walk away, but of course Ian caught up with Mickey and stopped him yet again. 

“Here’s my phone number… Text me. Ok?” Ian said as he held out a piece of folded white paper. 

Mickey took it and then left. He headed back home. Way to much had happened for one night and Mickey was still really fucking confused and weirded out. 

On the walk home Mickey reflected on what had just happened. 

Ian seemed strange. He just felt off. 

Mickey knew people changed but this definitely wasn’t the Ian he once knew and loved. Maybe he had gotten himself into some shit over the years. 

But then something hit him. A realization fell upon Mickey. Bipolar. Ian was bipolar. He needed his meds to stay stable. Maybe that was the answer. Maybe Ian decided to do something in a bipolar episode that was really stupid and lead him to be fucked for life. 

That also could be why Ian was acting so strange now. There was no way he was taking any medication. He probably hadn’t taken any in 10 years. 

That probably was the reason for all of this. But maybe not. Maybe there was another answer for all of this, and Mickey just hoped that some time soon he would finally get to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter!! Also, thank you for leaving comments and kudos they really help motivate me to write! Corrective criticism also helps me a lot, so please feel free to leave some. I want to make my writing the best it can possibly be :) 
> 
> I know not much has happened in the first few chapters but a lot will happen in the next ones. Trust me;) 
> 
> I also plan on making the next chapters longer. This way I can add more detail to the story and have things start to make more sense. But, this will also take longer for me to write. I expect chapter 6 to be out next weekend. I'm going to be pretty busy this week, so we'll see, but for sure in the next week or so. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading, I hope you're enjoying it so far!


	6. Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe, just maybe Mickey will finally get some answers. Will finally understand what is going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than the rest, which is why it took me so long to write, but I hope you enjoy!

Mickey was now sitting on the steps of his front porch, reflecting. 

Replaying everything that had just occurred over and over again in his mind. Maybe if he replayed the memories enough times, it would start to make sense. It wasn’t though. He was still confused, maybe even more confused than he had been. 

Nothing was adding up. 

Basically Ian was alive, but that was the only thing he knew for sure. He didn’t know how he was alive, he didn’t know who he buried in the ground, he didn’t know where Ian had been for the past decade. He didn’t know shit, and Ian had made it clear he wasn’t telling Mickey anything. 

Well, at least not yet, whatever the hell that meant. 

The sun was beginning to rise over the city of Chicago. The birds started chirping and the sky turned into a pinkish-orange color. It was nice. Just watching the sunrise in peace and quiet. It was the first time in a while he’d felt nothing. The first time in a while he was relaxed instead of his mind racing 100 miles per second. 

After moving, it to Mickey a while to get used to the quiet, but now, he couldn’t imagine living without it. 

The peace and quiet was quickly disrupted though. It was nearing 6:30 and more and more people were starting to get up and start their day. It was saturday, and Mickey found it sort of strange that so many people were awake. He just guessed it was because rich people like being productive or whatever. 

A realization dawned upon Mickey. He had just pulled an all nighter. He hadn’t done that since he was 18, maybe. Mickey wasn’t exactly sure but it had definitely been a long time. 

One thing was similar between this all nighter and his previous ones- they were all because of Ian. 

When they were kids, Ian and Mickey would stay up all night every weekend. They would just do random crap, but they would have fun and that’s all that mattered. It was the only time where they could actually act like the children they were. 

But tonight he stayed up because he wanted answers from Ian. It was just a waste though. Mickey could’ve been catching up on sleep right now, but instead he was sitting on his front porch. 

Mickey had returned home two hours ago, but he had just sat on his porch ever since. He fell into some sort of daze. Maybe he was thinking Ian would come back and decide to talk, or something like that. 

Mickey palmed his face. This was his life now. Running around with Ian, who by the way, is dead or at least should be. And yet again his mind was racing. Just fucking thinking about everything and anything. Great. 

He then looked down and noticed the folded piece of paper Ian had given to him earlier. Ian had said it was his number, but how they hell did a dead dude have a phone number? Like when you have a number you have to document your name and shit. Was Ian living with a different identity or something? 

Mickey caught himself before his thoughts spiraled though. 

He then unfolded the paper. It was a piece of lined paper with the three holes on the left side. It made Mickey think of school, and that sure as hell brought back some, interesting, to say the least, memories. 

Just like Ian had said, there was a phone number scribbled on the paper. Nothing else, just the ten numbers. 

Mickey did recognize the writing though, it was Ians. It was neat but at the same time messy. The numbers were also huge, the same way Ian had always written them. As teenagers Mickey used to always make fun of Ian for writing so damn big. 

Damnit. More memories were coming back. 

Mickey read 6:45 when he glanced down at his watch and decided it was time to wrap things up and head to bed. 

____________

Mickey woke up sweaty as hell five hours later. 

He hadn’t planned on sleeping that long, because he didn’t want to mess up his sleeping schedule, but he was off of work for the next few days so it didn’t really matter. 

That was the least refreshing nap ever though. 

His head was pounding, he felt really disoriented and somehow he was more tired than he was when he went to sleep. This is why Mickey never took naps, they never fucking did shit. 

Mickey stumbled down the stairs and started a pot of coffee. He then noticed his phone, which he abandoned shortly after walking inside. 

He decided to check it even though he never had any notifications, ever. 

It was kind of depressing honestly. Looking at your phone and never having any texts or notifications of people checking in on you and shit. 

He was used to it though. Loneliness was better than still living with his father in the Southside so he couldn’t really complain. 

Mickey’s brows furrowed when he picked up his phone and saw there was in fact a notification. And it wasn’t a spam email or notification from a dumb app on his phone, it was a text message. A real text message from someone. 

(Unknown) 9:14AM- meet me at the abandon building @9pm

It was Ian. 

“Whatever.” Mickey mumbled to himself as he threw his phone back down. Though he was confused on how Ian had gotten his number.

This whole Ian thing had consumed him. For the past two months it had taken over. It was the only thing Mickey could think about. If there was one second in the day where his mind went blank, guess who would show up in that empty space? Ian. Always Ian. 

But now Mickey was kinda over it. Well that was a big fucking lie, but if Ian wasn’t going to give him any answers or even give him a little background on what the fuck was going on, then Mickey didn’t want to be involved anymore. 

The thought of Ian was still going to keep him up at night, but he didn’t feel like running around at the snap of Ian’s finger. 

He had always trusted Ian. They were best friends at one point. They did everything together at one point. But all of that was a long time ago. They were different, a lot different. Mickey didn’t really trust Ian anymore. I mean how could he? There was absolutely no reason for Mickey to meet with Ian. He would probably show up late again just to bail 10 minutes later. 

Mickey wasn’t going to let that happen. He was 26 years old and didn’t need this teengaer drama in his life. Especially not when he had the whole weekend free and to himself. 

But of course at 8:30pm Mickey found himself rethinking his decision. 

Here’s the thing about Mickey. He doesn’t care about other people. Never had never will. 

It may be a bad thing, but it’s just the way he is. Mickey couldn’t help he was raised in an abusive environment. He couldn’t help the influence he had growing up. 

You can’t expect the son of Terry Milkovich to be a gold star citizen and Mickey sure as hell wasn’t. 

It wasn’t that Mickey was self absorbed or anything, it was just his personality. He’s never had anyone in his life to care about and he never will. It’s just the way it is. 

But for some reason Ian was different. 

Mickey always felt different about Ian. He always wanted Ian to be healthy and happy. Mickey actually used to think about Ian before he did something that could affect him. 

Sure, it had been a decade and a lot of things changed and went away, but that feeling didn’t. 

Mickey was still willing to do whatever Ian said. He was willing to do anything to make sure Ian was happy. 

It was weird to Mickey. He felt like a teenage girl who’s obsessed with some random celebrity, but he couldn’t help it. 

There was a soft spot in his heart for Ian Gallagher. 

So, yeah Mickey was going to meet up with Ian. He was going to do whatever Ian wanted, because he couldn’t say no. Mickey could never say no to Ian. 

____________

Mickey was now making his way to the abandoned building on the Southside. The same one they met up in before. 

There was a shit ton of abandoned buildings in Chicago, most of them being on the Southside. Mickey had spent hours of his life in those damn buildings. They weren’t the safest place to hang out, but they always felt safe to Mickey. Those buildings were like a little secluded spot where Mickey could just go to think. To get away from reality for just a little bit. 

The particular building they were meant to meet up at was special. It was special because that building was the one Ian and Mickey had spent most of their childhoods in. They had gone there almost everyday from the time they were middle schoolers until they were 16. 

There were so many memories in that place. Most of them were good, but there were still a couple bad ones. 

But anyways, without a doubt Mickey was going to meet with Ian. He just couldn’t say no. 

The walk only took about 10 minutes. Mickey had never realized how close he actually lived to the Southside. And even though he had been to the Southside thousands of times, it still felt so foreign to him. 

Sure enough when he reached the crappy old abandoned building Ian had said to meet at, Ian was there. 

He was lending against the side of the building furthest away from the road. Most likely to stay out of view of other people. 

That made Mickey realize something. How was Ian just hanging around in the Southside and has never been caught? How have all his friends or gang members or whatever they are kept all this a secret? 

Every aspect of this was weird to Mickey, but the fact Ian was able to stay under the radar was bizarre. Especially when everyone in the Southside, hell everyone in Chicago, knew exactly who Ian was and what he looked like. 

What happened to Ian was no secret. But somehow he was able to keep everything that’s happened in the past 10 years a secret. It was strange. Like really strange. 

But maybe today he would finally get some answers. 

As Mickey approved Ian he was able to get a better look at Ian. His hair was bright orange and styled perfectly like it always was. There was just something about Ian’s hard that drove Mickey insane, in a good way. Ian was wearing the same damn pair of Vans he always did. He was also wearing a royal blue t-shirt with light wash ripped jeans. It was nice to see him in something other than black. Mickey had always thought blue was Ians color, and well today just proved his theory even more. 

“Hey Mick,” Ian said as Mickey approached him. 

God he was never going to get over that nickname. Everything about it sent shivers down Mickey’s spine. The way Ian put more emphasis on the “C” and how he always said it in such a sweet, calm tone. 

Hearing that name come out of Ian’s lips was like a breath of fresh air. 

A smile couldn’t help but spread across Mickey’s face. Sure, Ian was being annoying as hell right now, but it was always really great to see Ian. To see the one person who was ever his friend, the one person who Mickey loved. 

Mickey had a big family, a huge one actually. It seemed like everyday there was a new Milkovich showing up asking for money or needing help with something. But despite the huge ass family, Mickey was always lonely. He was lonely until he met Ian, but once Ian passed, he was lonely yet again. 

It was weird that a person with a family as big as an army could feel so alone. But Mickey did. He always did. 

His family never understood him. He was so different from the rest of his siblings and other family members. Mickey was always forced to put on a mask. To be a person he wasn’t when he was around his family. The consequences of showing his true self, were a lot worse than pretending to be someone you’re not, so Mickey just went with it. What other choice did he have? 

But with Ian everything was different. 

Mickey always felt so loved and like he could be his actual self when he was around Ian. He never felt alone. It was a nice refreshing feeling. He could finally be himself, at least for the most part, without having to worry or constantly look over his shoulder for his dad. 

Mickey went back to that awful loneliness once Ian died. It sucked but Mickey knew there was never going to be another person like Ian. There was never going to be someone Mickey could open up to or just feel loved with. 

It sucked, but it was Mickey’s reality. 

Mickey Milkovich wasn’t made to be loved. He was made to be lonely. 

Seeing Ian once more made all of Mickey’s loneliness go away. He finally felt like he did when he was 16. Mickey felt some sense of freedom. 

Ian was different and so was Mickey, but the way he felt with Ian hadn’t changed one bit. 

Maybe, just maybe Mickey would finally receive some overdue answers. But if not what did he care, he would be able to spend some time with Ian. 

Over the past few weeks Mickey had gone from obsessing over Ian, to not caring about him anymore, to do anything he asked. Mickey felt like an idiot. Like a hormonal teenage girl who was obsessing over a dude. But fuckever. 

Mickey had been battling an internal conflict for the past while. Going back and forth deciding if he was insane or should actually try and figure out this whole Ian situation. 

Obviously the whole Ian thing overruled everything else. 

There was just something about Ian. Something that made Mickey so attracted to him. 

And now the feeling was even more prominent than before because, well, Ian had told his friends he liked Mickey. That thought just sent fucking shivers down his spine. 

Ian lived in Mickey’s mind rent free and Mickey had decided to just let it happen. Why not? 

Anyways, Mickey and Ian were now standing face to face yet again. 

They had only been apart from each other for a few hours, but it felt so nice to be in the presence of Ian again. 

“Hi,” Mickey finally said as he tucked his hands in the pockets of his jacket. 

Mickey got why Ian only wanted to met at dark or whatever, but Mickey was fucking cold. Being outside in the middle of the night during the winter in Chicago was definitely not idle. 

“Long time no see,” Ian said as a smile spread across his face. That damn smile. There was something about it that was just so mesmerizing to Mickey. 

Ian had the worst humor. That was definitely one thing that didn’t change about Ian, but Mickey didn’t care. He liked it. Even though Mickey always acted annoyed when Ian cracked his dad jokes, deep down they made Mickey happy, he liked them. 

Mickey just scoffed. 

“Ok I guess I have some serious explaining to do huh?” Ian asked as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

Yeah. Mickey would have to agree. Ian for sure had a shit ton of explaining to do. 

“Yeah man, I think you should start with how you’re able to be standing in front of me right now cause’ last time I check you were buried six feet under.” 

Ian just awkwardly shifted. It was almost like this topic made him uncomfortable or something. A slight grim came upon Ian’s pale face while he picked at the skin around his fingernails. 

“...Look I’m sorry for being so annoying and stalking you and shit... “ Ian said as he continued to pick at his nails. 

Mickey didn’t reply because if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He wouldn’t be able to not tell Ian that he was really fucking pissing him off. That Ian was driving him absolutely insane. So instead he nodded and decided to let Ian talk. 

“It’s a really long story man, and I don’t know if I can tell you yet…” 

What the fuck does that mean? Does Ian not trust him or something? 

So many thoughts and ways to respond popped up in Mickey's head. Instead he just blurted out, “what about your fucking family? Look, I have absouluty no fucking idea how you’re here right now, or whatever this gang shit is, but your family still thinks your dead. Everyone in this fucking state thinks your dead. Will you at least give me some fucking explanation for all this shit, because it’s making me go fucking crazy.” 

Shit. Honestly Mickey had no fucking idea where he was going with that. It all just came out. But it felt right. Felt necessary. 

Ian seemed taken back by all of this. Seemed lost for words. But why? Did Ian really expect to just show up 10 years after his death certificate was filed and just think everyone was going to act like this was normal? This shit didn’t even happen in movies.

“Uh… I- um sorry, ok. I just, there’s just a lot. But you’re just going to have to trust me, ok. I know this is all really confusing and stuff but I promise you, I will tell you everything, and soon. I just can’t right now Mickey, I’m sorry I want to tell you, I missed you like a lot.” 

Ok maybe none of this made sense, but Mickey just had a question of his answered. Ian fucking missed him. 

Mickey trusted Ian. He did. And Mickey would wait, because he knew. He knew Ian would explain everything. 

“And as for my family… They don’t know anything. I haven't been back to that house for a while. I miss my family, but I can’t risk being seen by any of them,” Ian continued after a moment. 

Mickey understood. I mean he didn’t understand any of this, but he had a feeling all of this had something to do with his family. Maybe he left because of it. Whatever the reason, Mickey knew Ian couldn’t go back to his family, no matter what. It would be like putting his family through pain once again. It shattered them to lose him, but it would be even worse to know he has been alive the whole time. 

Plus there was no way Ian could just show up at his old family home and act like he could fucking explain any of this. 

Mickey didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything to do. Maybe he did trust Ian. Maybe, definitely he was going to wait for Ian to tell him everything. 

This whole situation was fucked up. It made zero sense, but somehow Mickey understood. From what Ian had told him, he understood. 

___________

They stood there in silence for a moment. It was just them and the whipping of the freezing air around them. 

Finally Ian spoke. “Mick. I know this is really weird, and I don’t want to make you go fucking crazy or anything. I just can’t explain anything yet. But I will I fucking promise you, ok?” 

Over the years Ian had proven to be a not so trustworthy person, but Mickey trusted Ian right then. He knew Ian would eventually tell the story. And that made Mickey ok with everything. It was weird and it was confusing, but what about this all wasn’t confusing? 

__________

Mickey then decided it was a good time to go home. 

There wasn't much left for either of them to say. 

Mickey, yet again got very little explanation about what the hell was going on, but it didn’t really bother him anymore. 

He trusted Ian. He knew that when Ian was ready to tell Mickey everything he would. 

Right before Mickey left Ian stopped him. 

He grabbed him by the arm and said, “this isn’t goodbye. I promise I’ll tell you everything, it’ll just take time.” 

Ian had the most serious look on his face which confused Mickey. What exactly did Ian mean by this? 

Whatever. Mickey would know soon enough. 

__________

On the walk back home, Mickey once again found himself consumed in thoughts. 

He hadn’t even realized how consumed he truly was until he was in front of his house, with barely any memory of walking home. 

Mickey knew. He knew none of this made sense. He knew Ian was acting really fucking weird. He knew all of this was really suspicious. 

But he didn’t care. 

Mickey couldn’t resist Ian. Never had been able to and never will be able to. 

In many ways, Ian was, is, special to Mickey. 

And truthfully, the only reason why Mickey is involved in all of this bullshit, is because he doesn’t feel lonely anymore. 

Being in the presence of Ian was the best feeling ever. He felt safe. Even though things were so much different now, there were so many aspects that were still very much the same. 

The main one being, Mickey felt loved. 

Ian was the only person who made Mickey feel loved. Made him feel not alone. 

And it felt good, amazing actually. Mickey didn’t care if Ian was putting him through hell, just as long as he was there. Just as long as Mickey felt not so alone, he was ok with it. 

Mickey had been robbed of love and affection his whole life. But what could he do about it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Mickey was forced to live a lonely, horrible life. 

Don’t get him wrong, he was happy. He enjoyed his life now more than ever before. It was so much better than living in the Southside with his horrid family. But being lonely is the worst feeling in the world. Mickey hadn’t realized how truly awful it was until he wasn’t lonely anymore. Until Ian. 

After Ian “passed” Mickey went back to being lonely. And it had been so long Mickey completely forgot how it felt to have another person in his life. To not be fucking lonely for once. 

Maybe that was why eventhough Ian was driving Mickey up a wall, he still stuck around. He still put up with all of Ian’s weird crap. Because he liked having someone. Even if it wasn’t much he liked not being alone. 

__________

Mickey carried on with the rest of his week. 

For some reason Ian wasn’t on his mind as much. 

Mickey still did think about Ian quite a lot, but it was as much. Mickey was able to go on with his life without constantly thinking and wondering how and why Ian was still alive. 

Mickey did have every reason to be confused and want answers, but he knew that sometime soon he would receive some. Hopefully. 

_________

It was now Saturday. 

Like always Mickey caught up on his sleep. It always felt nice and refreshing to sleep in. To feel well rested for once. 

For December the weather was actually really nice. Warm actually. It was around 60 degrees which was strange for winter in Chicago. 

Mickey had nothing better to do so he decided to take advantage of this nice weather. 

The thing about Mickey is, he’s not an athletic type. Sure, here and there he’ll work out and shit, but it’s never been his main priority. 

But for some reason Mickey was in the mood to go for a run, well more of a jog. He hadn’t been on a jog in what felt like years, though in reality it had only been a couple of months. During the summer Mickey finds himself jogging more, but once it gets cold all motivation is thrown out the window. 

But now the excuse that it was “too cold” couldn’t be used, because it wasn’t too cold. It in fact wasn’t cold at all. 

So, Mickey was now jogging down the street of his semi-nice neighborhood. 

Mickey wasn’t exactly sure where he was going or how long he was going for. He just decided to let his feet lead the way.

Once again Mickey was consumed by all his thoughts. What’s new though? Mickey thoughts always took over. 

He began thinking of no other than Ian Gallagher. Of course. 

He just thought of everything they did as kids. How they would always hang out together. How they would always laugh together. 

Somehow, when Mickey finally looked up and pulled himself from his train of thought, he was in the Southside. And not just anywhere in the Southside he was standing right in front of a run down house, which happened to be the Gallagher house. 

It was strange, but there were very few moments in the past few months that weren’t strange so Mickey just went with it. 

He just stood there and observed. 

The house was pretty much how he remembered it. There wasn’t much change. 

Mickey had seen the house not too long ago, but it was a quick awkward situation so he wasn’t able to get a good look at it. 

The blue paint that covered the house was still peeling. One of the windows on the front of the house was still cracked just as Mickey remembered. The front porch was still falling apart and splinter filled. 

Mickey was feeling nostalgic. He had felt nostalgic for the past few months, considering everything, but this was a different kind of nostalgic. 

He remembered being a kid and a teen. He remembered good memories instead of all the bad ones that were prominent in his mind. 

A smile spread across his face as he remembered all the good memories made in that house. All the good memories that were made with Ian. 

“Mickey?” A semi familiar voice called. 

Mickey then looked over to the side of the house and saw an extremely familiar face. It was Carl, one of Ian’s younger brothers. 

It had been years since Mickey had laid eyes on him. Mickey had seen a few pictures of Carl that night; he decided to stalk the Instagrams of every Gallagher, but they didn’t do him justice. Carl was so much older now. Mickey could only remember when he was just an elementary school kid. He could only picture Carl with his baby face. 

But now, he was basically a man. 

Practically everything about him was completely different. 

“Holy shit man, I haven’t seen you in forever,” Carl continued as he stepped closer and closer to Mickey. 

In return Mickey just spat out a polite “hey”. 

Mickey knew Carl, but not very well. He was always around when Mickey and Ian would hang out, but he never really talked with him. Probably because he was still a kid when Mickey hung around Ian. 

Carl and Mickey were now no more than 4 feet away from each other. Carl seemed to be in the mood to have a full blown conversation. Typically Mickey would roll his eyes at that, but for some reason he was ok with it. He wanted to talk to Carl. Wanted to know more. More about Ian. More about how his family is doing and shit. 

“So you doin’ good? It’s been years, didn’t realize you still lived around here,” Carl then said. 

And well Mickey was in the mood to talk, so he didn’t hesitate to start speaking. “I’m doing good,” Which was only partially a lie. “I moved to the Northside not too long ago and uh this is one of my first times coming back in a while.” Not that Carl cared or needed to know any of that. 

“Oh cool, looks like you’re doing pretty good for yourself then,” Carl said with a nice, happy expression on his face. 

Mickey remembered Carl as a crazy psycho little kid, but now he was grown up. He seemed like a good, decent kid. 

“So how have you been?” Mickey asked, realizing Carl hasn’t said anything about his own personal life. 

Carl’s face lightened up at the question. Like he was so fucking excited to tell Mickey about his life. “I’m doing great. Actually I’m starting training at the police academy. I wanna be a cop.” 

Carl Gallagher, a cop. Mickey never thought he would hear those words together. Last he checked Carl with dealing drugs, and facing a juvie sentence. Guess he’s changed. 

Mickey was about to respond when another person interrupted his thought. “Carl, don’t lie. You just hang around the police station. You’re not even old enough to be a cop yet.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Liam,” Carl quickly snapped back embarrassed. 

Mickey looked over to the front porch. There stood a kid who seemed to be around 10 maybe older. And based on what Carl had just said, it was Liam. Ian’s baby brother. Well the last time Mickey saw him he was a baby. 

“Who are you?” Liam asked. 

Mickey sucked in a breath to answer, but Carl cut him off, “This is Mickey. He was friends with Ian. Doubt you remember though, cause you were a baby.” 

Liam just nodded and went back inside. There was no way he remembered Mickey. 

“So ya wanna come inside? It’s just me and Liam home right now?” 

Mickey didn’t know why he did this, but he accepted the offer. He followed Carl up the stairs and into the house. 

It was pretty much the same as Mickey remembered. Some of the decorations and furniture was different, but for the most part everything was the same. 

Mickey remembered sitting on that couch playing Mortal Kombat and other video games with Ian. He remembered eating at the kitchen table with the rest of the Gallaghers. It was so strange to be back. 

He recognized the scent and feel in the air. Nothing about it had changed. 

Maybe Mickey had zoned out a little because Carl said, “you good?” 

“Oh yeah sorry, just kinda weird to be back here.” 

Carl understood. He directed Mickey into the kitchen and grabbed two beers from the fridge. They then sat at the familiar kitchen table together. 

There was a silence for a moment. Mickey just took in his surroundings. Remembered everything. All the memories from his childhood. 

“Heard your dads back in the joint,” Carl randomly said but then bit his lip. “Sorry doubt you wanna talk about your dad, just trying to make conversation but don’t really know what to talk about cause um…” 

Mickey knew what Carl meant. He was trying to not mention Ian. Bring up the tragedy. But what else could they discuss? They had nothing else in common and Mickey wasn’t about to tell Carl about his day or anything. 

“It’s cool man,” Mickey said. It was cool. Mickey didn’t mind talking about Ian. It would be weird because Mickey knows something the Gallaghers don’t. He knows Ian isn’t dead. 

“Ok.” Carl said awkwardly. Mickey understood why. Carl knew how hard the death of Ian was for Mickey. He knew Mickey’s life went to shit after that. He knew Ian meant a lot to Mickey. 

And if Mickey didn’t know Ian was still alive. If he didn’t know that secret, it would be really difficult to talk about Ian. 

But considering he saw Ian a week ago, it was fine. 

“So, how have you been since Ian, um died? I know it was hard for you.” Carl asked in the most sincere tone ever. Mickey had never heard a kid his age so concerned about a topic. 

Mickey sighed. It felt weird that Mickey knew Ian was alive, but Carl didn’t. “Yeah, it was hard at first. But I’m good now. I got my shit together and my lifes pretty good. How have you and your family been?” Mickey asked trying to shift away from talking about how he felt, because emotions, especially talking about them, were not Mickey’s thing. 

“You know, it was hard at first. But we’re good now, we miss him but um… I guess it was too… surprising? Like it was a shock when Ian died, but he was bipolar. All of us knew something like this could happen. Yah know? I mean we’ve seen it with our mom and shit. But it’s definitely been weird without him.” 

Somehow Mickey knew exactly what he meant. It was surprising when Ian died but considering his bipolar disorder it wasn’t out of the blue or anything. 

Obviously it took Mickey by surprise, but he understood how his family wasn’t too surprised. They were aware of the consequence of bipolar disorder. 

They both took long drags of their beers and just sat there silently. 

The house was a lot quieter than it once was, 10 years ago. 

“We still have his room the same, if you want to see it.” 

Mickey just nodded and followed Carl up the stairs. 

It was strange Carl was offering to show Mickey that but again at the same time he understood. 

Mickey had ended up at the Gallagher house because of Ian. And Carl knew that. 

The room did look the exact same, well atleast Ian’s side. 

He could tell the side that was occupied by Liam and Carl was different, but nothing else. 

All of Ian’s stuff was still there. Exactly where he left it. 

“None of us could bring ourselves to get rid of any of his stuff so we just left it. Kinda makes it feel like he’s still here yah know?” 

Yeah. He did know. 

They both just kinda looked around. Again there were so many memories showing up in Mickey’s head. He remembered all the hours he had spent in that room. It was crazy. 

Then out of the corner of his eye he saw something. 

There was a sticker on the wall above Ian’s bed. It looked extremely familiar. It was a black square with the letters FTMB on it in white. 

Mickey then realized. He saw that same sticker on Ian’s skateboard. He still had no idea what it meant, but it was obviously something important. 

“Hey, you know what that sticker stands for?” Mickey asked, pointing to the wall. 

Carl shook his head. “Nope. Ian put it up before he died, never got the chance to ask him what it meant.” 

Mickey didn’t know why, but he felt that was strange. It had to be important. Whatever it meant, it was probably important to why Ian left. Where he had been. 

And the fact he put it up just before he left, was bizarre. It symbolized something and hopefully Mickey knew what it was soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please feel free to leave comments, constructive criticism and kudos! They all really help me when writing. 
> 
> This chapter took me a bit longer to write because of the length. But expect the next 4 or so chapters to be the same length! Also expect about a week for the next update. 
> 
> Also I still haven't decided how I'm going to end this. I have two endings in mind but just can't decide. So please leave your opinions on this series. It will definitely help me decide which way to end it. 
> 
> We are coming up on the end, but still have a ways to go! 
> 
> Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Ian's friend saying how Ian liked Mickey ;)
> 
> I am super excited for the next chapter. There is going to be a lot going on in the next few chapters! The last few chapters are also going to be a bit more mature if you know what I mean ;)
> 
> Again, thank you for reading and I hope you liked it!! :)


	7. Trust Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, answers are given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Mickey finally gets some answers and learns some more life changing news. Enjoy!

It was nice. 

Nice to catch up with Carl. Return to the Gallagher house once more. 

Remember some of the things Mickey had once blocked out of his memory. 

There was a reason. A reason why Mickey blocked out most of his childhood. It was extremely traumatic. Everyday Mickey was in constant fear. Fear of his father, mostly. 

Most children have a great relationship with their fathers. Most children love their dads. Want to spend time with their dads. Miss them when they’re gone. 

But not Mickey. 

He was terrified of his very own father. 

His dad was the scariest man on the planet. He was constantly verbally, physically, and mental abusing his children. He didn’t love them. 

For most of his life, Mickey felt unwanted. Like he was a mistake, which he most likely was. 

The only person besides Ian who truly loved Mickey was his mother. She left though. When he was young, too young to remember. 

He always hated his mother for it, but he understood. If he had the chance to leave he would, with zero hesitation. That’s exactly why he left when he could. When he was old enough and had money. 

At first Mickey struggled a lot. He struggled with all the years of trauma and awful memories. 

Mickey isn’t exactly sure how the brain works. Isn’t sure how he was somehow able to block out years and years of memories, but he did. And it made him feel better. It allowed him to start over. To have a good life. 

Getting involved with Ian was like opening a can of worms. But in all honesty it felt right. It felt good. 

Mickey was able to remember. He realized he had good times in his life, although it was very few. 

But Ian almost helped him. He helped Mickey go back and face his past. Mickey was able to finally get over it and he realized that he’s moved on. He’s a new, different, better person. 

But there was something comforting in revisiting the Gallagher house. 

It was strange and confusing. And Mickey sure as hell felt guilty for not being able to tell the Gallaghers Ian’s back. He knew a huge secret that would ultimately change their lives, but he couldn’t tell them. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. 

The only thing that only Mickey’s ever known was that he’s gay. It was Mickey’s secret. There was no other person in the world except Mickey who knew about it. 

But now he has a whole new secret to keep. And it wasn’t his own secret. 

Everything in Mickey’s life was still confusing and frustrating. He wanted to see Ian, he wanted to know what Ian was doing, where he was, but Ian wouldn’t open his mouth. He couldn’t. 

Mickey did trust Ian. He knew, or at least hoped, Ian would tell him everything. Explain it so that Mickey could stop going insane trying to figure this whole thing out. 

But can you really trust someone who’s lied to you for a decade? Can you trust someone who’s acting suspicious? Can you trust someone who’s mentally ill. 

Shit. 

That was one thing Mickey hadn’t really thought about. Ian’s bipolar disorder. It crossed his mind a few times but Ian left shortly after he was diagnosed. 

Was all of this just a manic bipolar thing. 

Was Ian just going crazy cause’ he wasn’t taking meds? 

Now Mickey had even more theories. 

After confirming his family does in fact think he’s dead. After realizing Ian was and still could be sick. Realizing Ian may just need some help. 

Whatever. Mickey still truly believed Ian would confess, would explain and would hopefully tell him about the whole crush thing. 

Mickey kept what one of Ian’s friends said in the back of his mind. That Ian likes Mickey. 

That just made him so happy, because Mickey likes Ian. And in a romantic way. He wants to be with Ian, always has. Ever since they were kids. Mickey liked hanging out with Ian so much because he loved Ian. He wanted Ian to be his. 

And the thought that maybe just maybe Ian liked Mickey too, made his cheeks heat up. 

In reality, you can’t date someone who should be dead. None of this could work and none of this made sense. 

Mickey tried, he really tried to go back to his normal life. But these past two months have been a rollercoaster. They’ve been all over the place. 

_________

It had been nearly six whole months. Six months since Mickey last saw Ian, last heard from him. 

And Mickey was pissed. 

He trusted Ian, but that trust was going away very quickly. 

Deep down he knew something about all of this was off. Something about this was too good to be true. 

It wasn’t possible. None of this was. 

Was this just a dream or some sort of hallucination? Was Mickey drugged and spent the past few months envisioning Ian? Was Ian really actually dead? He had to be. 

Mickey decided his reality was out of whack. That he was losing his damn mind, because absolutely none of this could happen. It was impossible!

God Mickey was losing his fucking mind. He couldn’t handle this anymore. There had to be something wrong with him… right? 

Mickey didn't know. He didn’t know what was happening or why it was happening. Mickey was so fucking confused. He couldn’t sleep and even considered quitting his job. There was no point in working if he was actually insane. But he didn’t. He couldn’t 

Instead Mickey decided to carry on with his life. He had told himself many times he was going to forget Ian and continue on with his life, but this time he actually did. He actually followed through. 

_________

For six months after Ian and Mickey’s last interaction if that was even real, Mickey went back to his old life. 

He continued living a really fucking boring life, but he was finally starting to feel semi-normal again. He felt less crazy. 

Though, he would be lying if he said he didn’t check his phone every once in a while to see if Ian had texted. Or that he didn’t look out his window in the middle of the night with hopes Ian would be there. And of course he never was. 

Mickey tired and tried to come up with an explanation for everything, but instead he just did what he does best. He ignored it. Just forgot about it. Went back to living like Mickey. 

There was one thing that made it so much easier for Mickey to forget. Made it easier for Mickey to return back to the life he was living prior to the whole Ian thing, or whatever it was. 

A month or so after Ian and Mickey’s last interaction, Mickey got some life changing news. 

He learned Terry, the worst human in the whole entire world, had died. 

Mickey didn’t get very many details on what exactly happened but that didn’t matter. None of that mattered. Usually when people lost their parents, they were sad, and went through the grieving process. 

But not Mickey. 

The news was unexpected. Terry was like a damn cockroach. You try and try to get rid of it, but next thing you know it’s back. They're freaking indestructible. But finally the indestructible cockroach known as Terry Milkovich had been destroyed. Gone forever. 

This was truly some of the best news Mickey had ever gotten. 

It sounds awful to say that about your own flesh and blood, but Terry had put Mickey through so much. Too much. That man deserved every bad thing he got. And this was no different. 

For once, Mickey felt free. 

He felt like he could finally be himself. Like he didn’t have to change his life just because of Terry. Mickey didn’t have to live in fear anymore. He could just be himself. Be the person who he’s always wanted to be, but never got to be. 

There were so many new opportunities for Mickey. He could now do whatever the fuck he wanted. 

The thing at the top of his list. The thing Mickey had always wanted but never got, was a boyfriend.

Mickey could now have someone else. Someone who cared about him. Someone who loved and wanted him. 

Mickey wasn’t exactly sure how and where he would find a boyfriend, but whatever. At least now he could actually be happy. Could actually have someone he loves. 

________

Mickey’s known he was gay his whole entire life. But because of his background, he couldn’t be out. He was forced to “like” girls. He was forced to act like someone he wasn’t. 

Most of Mickey’s adolescent years were spent daydreaming. Daydreaming about having a boyfriend. Having a life with another man who he loved. 

A large majority of those day dreams had Ian in them. 

Mickey had always wanted Ian. But obviously that could never happen. Ian was gone. Even if he was alive it had been months. Months with absolutely no word for Ian. No trace of him. 

Things were just going too well for Mickey to give a shit about any of that Ian crap he experienced not too long ago. 

He could be happy and free now. 

Maybe Mickey could finally have sex with a man. Have sex and enjoy it. Have sex with someone he’s actually attracted to. 

All these thoughts and possibilities made Mickey happy. For once in his life, Mickey was genuinely happy. Like actually woke up and had a smile on his face. 

It was nice. Amazing actually. 

And so that’s most likely why all thoughts of Ian disappeared. Dissolved into Mickey’s brain. There was no need to obsess over someone who he could never have. Who he could never trust. 

Someone who may or may not still be dead. (Mickey still isn’t sure about that). 

__________

Work was boring as ever, but it paid the bills so Mickey wasn’t complaining, or at least trying not to. 

It was especially hard to be locked inside when the weather was gorgeous. 

Mickey wasn’t much of an outdoorsy person or whatever, but the summer always made him happy. The warm weather always put him in a good mood. Winter was just not Mickey’s cup of tea, so it was one of his top priorities to enjoy summer while it lasted. And in Chicago that wasn’t very long. 

It was nearing three on a hot Thursday afternoon. 

Mickey got off of work at 3:15 and had the next four days off, making the time move like a goddamn snail. It was insane how slow the clock was moving. 

Mickey had been working his ass off for the past two weeks and was ready for a fucking break. Ready to just relax and enjoy summer. 

Being free had really made Mickey soft, but he didn’t care. Freedom was the best feeling out there. 

Finally after the longest fifteen minutes ever Mickey clocked out and was free for four days. Fucking finally. 

Because of the fact Mickey never got days off, he decided to make the most of this. 

He planned on catching up on sleep and some Netflix shows that had been recently updated. And that was really it. He just wanted to fucking relax and not have to worry about anything. Not have to deal with his fucking adult ass life and shit. 

________

Mickey’s evening was pretty nice. 

He ordered some pizza and ate it while watching some new movie that was recommended to him on his Netflix account. It was kind of stupid and Mickey had a hard time following what was going on, but it kept him entertained, so whatever. 

He didn’t even realize it but Mickey must have fallen asleep on the couch. He didn’t remember falling asleep, but now it was nearing three in the morning and instead of the movie playing on the tv there was a notification that said “are you still watching?”

Somehow those few hours of sleep were the best Mickey had in awhile. He felt refreshed and energetic, which kind of annoyed him considering it was literally three in the morning. 

Mickey sat up on the couch and palmed his hand. He then realized he was still wearing the t-shirt and pair of sweatpants he put on after work. 

Mickey stayed seated on the couch for a few more moments, just to insure he wasn’t disoriented with sleep anymore. 

Just as Mickey stood up to go change his clothes and get some sleep in an actual bed, he heard a noise outside. 

At first it startled Mickey. It scared the shit out of him. 

It sounded like something hit the window. Maybe it was a bird or some shit like that. 

But that theory was immediately declined when he heard it again. It was something hitting the window upstairs. 

There had to be someone outside throwing something. It almost sounded like rocks. 

Mickey decided it was most likely some shithead neighborhood kids messing around because it’s summer and they have nothing better to do. 

But just to make sure Mickey walked over to the window and opened the blinds. 

At first he saw nothing. Just blackness and some light pollution from other places in the city. 

Then he saw it. Mickey’s eyes adjusted to the change in light and he saw it. He saw what had been causing all that noise. 

It wasn’t some shithead kid from the neighborhood. It was Ian. Fucking Ian. 

He was back and he was throwing rocks at Mickey’s bedroom window to get his attention, like idiot teenagers did in those stupid drama tv shows. 

Great. Just when Mickey moved on from good, that red headed idiot had returned. 

At this point Ian was starting to feel like a distant memory, but here he was. Standing in Mickey’s front yard.

This just clarified even more that Ian was in fact alive. He wasn’t just a hallucination or some weird dream. Mickey was seeing him because he was real. He was alive. And he was most likely back to explain everything to Mickey. 

Ian noticed the shades on the window had shifted because he looked over in Mickey’s direction. It seemed at first he couldn’t see Mickey, but once he did, once he realized who was standing on the other side of the window his face lit up, like it did when he was a teenager. 

“Knew that would get your attention,” Ian shouted with a fucking joker grin. 

There was no hiding now. Ian saw Mickey. Knew he was home. And Ian was stubborn as fuck and Mickey just knew he was going to be spending the weekend doing sketchy shit with Ian. He just knew it. So he let it happen, because one way or another none of it was going to go away. 

Better to get some fucking answers than to sit around and make up dumb theories. 

Mickey didn’t reply. He just stood there contemplating every decision he’s ever made. It was fucking dumb, but if Ian asked for Mickey to come with him or whatever guess what he was going to do? He was going to fucking go with him. No questions asked. 

Ian threw another rock at the window occupied by Mickey, which fucking scared the shit out of him. The major flinch of course made Ian laugh because apparently causing Mickey distress was a fun hobby. 

“So are we just going to stare at each other or are you coming?” Ian asked, tilting his head away from the house as another way to tell Mickey to come outside. 

Yeah. He was coming. 

Mickey stuffed his phone and door key in his pocket, put on some shoes and met Ian outside. 

The second Mickey’s feet hit the outside ground Ian ran over and kissed him. He fucking kissed him on the lips. It was a deep passionate kiss. Like kisses Mickey thought only existed in movies or crappy teenage shows. 

It was strange and uncalled for, but Mickey just let it happen. He didn’t pull away or ask questions. He just let it happen because he wanted it. He had always wanted this. 

Before Mickey could even process what the hell just happened, Ian was talking again. “Mick… I can finally tell you.” 

“What?” Mickey said while furrowing his eyebrows. He sort of knew what Ian meant, but he just wanted to make sure. Make sure he is making the right decision. Make sure this wasn’t going to waste any of his time. 

Mickey was also trying to act cool. Play off what just happened like it was nothing. Like that one fucking kiss didn’t just completely rock his world. Like he wasn’t fucking disorented with bliss. 

“You know what I mean fuckhead. I promised you I would tell you everything and I can finally tell you. I got everything sorted out and I can tell you everything.” 

The last part confused Mickey. He got everything sorted out? Whatever, he would know what it meant soon enough, right? 

“Great, now I won’t go insane. So are you going to tell me or are we just going to stare at each other,” Mickey grunted annoyed. He’d waited long enough. He needed some fucking answers and needed them now. 

“I’ll tell you, just not here. You in the mood to go on an adventure?”

“A fucking adventure? Are we ten?” Mickey huffed. Ian just smiled and nodded his head. He’d always been like that. Always been a fucking dork. “Ok then where we going, fire crotch?” Mickey then asked. He guessed he was down for an adventure. 

Even though Mickey started to lose hope. He started to think this was all in his head, that he envisioned everything. Deep down Mickey knew. He knew Ian would come back. Ian would keep his promise because he always did. He never lied. 

Ian then walked over to the sidewalk and picked up two skateboards. One was the one Ian always had and the other was just a black, basic board. He then handed Mickey the black board and threw a backpack around his shoulders. 

Mickey looked down at the skateboard confused. “You expect me to ride this?” Mickey asked. It had been years since Mickey had been on a fucking skateboard. But Ian just smlied and Mickey knew he was going to have to ride the fucking skateboard, even though it was a resipe for a broken bone. 

“You trust me, right?” asked Ian as he stepped onto the pavement of the road. 

Mickey definitely shouldn’t trust Ian. He shouldn’t trust someone who lied about being dead. But he did. Mickey fucking trusted Ian. 

Was this stupid? Yeah it was. Was Mickey still going to go wherever Ian wanted to? Yeah, yeah he was. 

Mickey stepped onto the quiet empty street and hopped on the damn skateboard. “What’re we waiting for?” he then asked, smiling back at Ian, who was also sporting a smile. 

__________

Mickey had no idea where they were going. He had no idea what they were doing. He just let Ian lead the way. 

It was the middle of the night, meaning no one was out. There were no cars or people flooding the streets. It was quiet. Silent actually. The only noise was the sound of the skateboard wheels rolling across the asphalt. 

They just rode down the street like a couple of kids. It felt amazing. 

It was one of the best feelings ever. It felt like a dream. 

Just the feeling of the warm wind hitting his face as he rode down the street. Just being in the presence of Ian. Just feeling alive. 

It all felt amazing. Like a fucking dream. 

The atmosphere and the euphoria he felt flowing through his blood. It was truly amazing. 

Mickey just smiled and smiled. He thought about that fucking kiss. How finally one thing he’d always wanted had happened. 

This was a fucking dream, it had to be, but it wasn’t. All of this was real. Every bit of this was real. 

It was just Ian and Mickey. Mickey and Ian, riding off into the night without a care in the world. 

___________

Mickey just enjoyed the vibes. Enjoyed everything that was happening and just took as much of it in as he could. Because in reality nothing like this was ever going to happen again. 

Next thing he knew Ian was slowing down. 

“Here we are,” he said looking over at Mickey with a smile. 

They somehow ended up just outside of the city. They were at some sort of park that sat at the shore of Lake Michigan. The park was secluded and there wasn’t a person or building in sight. Ian and Mickey were the only two people in the whole area. 

Mickey followed Ian as he sat on a concert ledge that separated the street from the shore of the lake. 

The both just sat on the ledge in silence. Just took in the view. Mickey had never seen the city from this perspective before. He could see the insane city known as Chicago just across the lake. 

Ian took a joint out of his pocket, lit it and took a hit. He and Mickey passed it back and forth for a little while before Ian began speaking. 

“I know you visited my family,” he said nudging Mickey’s foot while blowing out the hit he had just taken. 

Wait, how did Ian know? 

“What? Who the fuck told you?” Mickey asked, confused as fuck. 

“Ah ha! So you have visited them.” Ian could tell Mickey wasn’t exactly following along so he explained. “I didn’t actually know, I just know you and knew you would. I confused the fuck outta you and knew you would go there searching for answers. And guess what? I was fucking right.” 

Yeah he was right and he was fukcing annoying and Mickey was definitely going to let him know that. 

“Not my fucking fault you’re an annoying little shit who wouldn’t tell me anything,” Mickey slapped Ian’s shoulder and took another hit. “So, you gonna tell me or what?”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll fucking tell you-” Mickey but in before Ian could continue his thought. 

“And you better not fucking leave anything out, or imma kill you and throw your body in the lake.” 

That was a serious threat. If Ian didn’t confess Mickey would probably, definitely, kill him. Sure, Mickey wasn’t that Southside piece of trash anymore, but it would always be in his blood. Deep down he would always be Southside and he wasn’t afraid to kill a bitch for pissing him off. 

“Jesus ok, it’s a long story so get ready,” Ian said like he was preparing to give a long ass presentation in front of a class of 2,000 people. 

Mickey didn’t care how long it took, he wanted all the fucking answers he could get. He was fucking ready. 

And so Ian told him everything. 

“I uh… I faked my death. Jesus that sounds so crazy to say…” 

Yeah that is fucking crazy. How does someone, how did Ian, fake his own death? 

Ian continued. “Looking back now it was stupid, really fucking stupid and I wish I could take it all back, make it all go away, but I’m in way too fucking deep.” He sucked in a huge breath and took another hit of the joint. “I was just fucking over it. Fucking over my life. I hated living in the Southside and my family didn’t make it any better. They kept comparing me to my fucking mom and treating me like a baby. Yeah, I’m bipolar, but I’m still Ian. And I wanted to prove that to them, but instead I just pulled a fucking Monica… There was just too much going on in my life. So much I wanted to do, that I just couldn’t. And I decided I wanted to leave and I wanted to leave without a trace. So, my manic ass did what I thought was best, I faked my own death.” Ian paused for a moment but then began speaking again. “I joined a gang, FTMB. It stands for faster than my bullet. I don’t know, they said it’s after some Foster The People song, but I’m still not really sure what that means. Anyway, I told them what I wanted to do and they helped me. They helped me create a new identity, helped me find a new place to live. They helped me fucking fake my death.” 

Mickey was still a little confused, but he continued listening. 

“They told me to not worry about it and that they would take care of it. So that’s what I did. The only thing I had to do was lay in my damn casket and act like I was dead. That’s how you saw me at the funeral. It was me I just wasn’t dead.” 

Saying that seemed to pain Ian. Made him regret everything all over again. Mickey could see that he didn’t like what he did, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. 

“They did fucking everthing for me. They even got me a real death certificate. My gang became my new family. They helped protect me and keep me safe. Anyway I moved to Alaska. I started a new life. Got a job and shit. My life was even worse though. I quickly regretted everything. I don’t know what I was thinking. I did it in a manic episode, and I really thought I was doing something good. I really thought I could have a good new life. That I could fucking start over, but I just made everything worse. Look what I’ve done to my family. They all think I’m dead and there’s nothing I want to do more than just see them. So yeah, basically I’m a big fucking mentally Ill idiot who made a fucking stupid decsision. But this is my life now. There’s nothing I can do about it.” 

Oh. 

Mickey didn’t really expect that. He knew it probably had something to do with his bipolar but there was more to it. Ian just wanted a new life. He wanted to start over, so he fucking faked his death. 

“Damn… But why’d you come back. And if you miss your family, just explain to them what happened, I’m sure they’ll understand,” Mickey replied the best he could, because he was in shock. 

“I can’t. I don’t miss them. I mean I know I said I regret it and I miss them, but I guess I really don't. I just don’t want to go back to my old life. Get sucked back into all that bullshit. I’m actually having fun, I’m actually happy. I miss my family and shit, but I guess I just don’t want to go back. I guess you could say this was the best stupid decision I’ve ever made.” Ian took a breath but then continued. “I just wish I could be Ian Gallagher again. I guess that’s what I regret.” 

“Wait, so do you regret everything or not? And why’d you come back,” Mickey asked, still a little confused by Ian’s story. 

“Yes and no. I regret how I did everything. I made so many things worse. But I can’t imagine going back, I guess. I just… I made a whole new life for myself and can’t go back now… And I uh, I came back for… for you, Mick,” Ian said blushing. 

Holy shit. Ian came back just for Mickey. 

“But why?” Mickey asked just for some more clarification. 

“Because I love you. Because I want you. Because I realized I can’t live my life without you. And because I want you Mickey, I fucking want you, always have.” 

That lit up Mickey’s insides like a fucking wildfire. 

Ian liked, loved, and wanted Mickey. And that’s exactly how Mickey felt too. He wanted Ian. 

In response to that Mickey just pulled Ian into another deep, passionate kiss. It felt amazing. He’d wanted to do that for years.

Mickey could finally kiss the man of his dreams without any shame. Without worrying about his father beating the shit out of him for it. 

One thing led to another and things started getting more heated. Mickey was now laying on the grass that covered the shore of the beach with Ian on top of him. Kissing him. 

Kissing his neck, his checks, his lips, anywhere that he could. 

Mickey fucking loved this. He had never kissed a man before. In fact he’d never kissed anyone like this before. He’d never had sex with a man, but he knew he was about to and he was thrilled. 

Finally, for once in his life, Mickey could have sex with a man. Have sex with someone he was attracted to. Have sex with someone and actually enjoy it. 

And he wasn’t about to have sex with just anyone. He was about to have sex with Ian. 

__________

Ian and Mickey laid in the grass, partially naked, just holding onto each other. 

Sex with Ian was the best thing in the world. Having Ian moan in his ear was like pure fucking bliss. The best fucking feeling in the world. And Ian just holding onto Mickey in their post sex glow, felt fucking amazing as well. 

This is what Mickey had always wanted and he was happy to know Ian had always wanted it too. 

Mickey felt relieved to know about Ian. Relieved to finally understand where Ian had been and why he was all of a sudden back. 

Mickey still of course had some more questions, but for right now he just wanted to enjoy this. Enjoy, just being with Ian. 

He could ask those questions later. He could figure what they were and how they could be together considering Ian was supposed to be dead. He could figure all of this out later. 

Because right now, all that matter was that he just had sex with Ian Gallagher and that Ian liked him. That he wanted him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Ok, so when they were skateboarding down the street I decided it should have the same vibes as the song "My Tears Are Becoming A Sea" by M83. I don't know why lol, I was just listening to the song while writing and thought the vibes matched that part perfectly. 
> 
> Finally, some answers! I know I had a lot of you confused and I know you're still probably a little confused but don't worry more questions will be answered next chapter. One of those answers will be where Ian had been for the past six months as well as some more about where's he's been a why he came back. They just got kinda distracted while talking ;) 
> 
> Oh and just to be clear none of this was a dream or anything. Everything that happens is real!!
> 
> I'll be sort of busy this week, but the next chapter should be up within the next few days. I don't have an exact date, but except it sometime later in the week. 
> 
> This is one of my favorite chapters and I hope you enjoyed. Please tell me how you felt, and feel free to leave comments and kudos.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it!


	8. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian tells Mickey more about where he's been for the past 10 years and how no one has noticed he is still alive. They also discuss their relationship and what had just occurred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 8! Sorry for the delay, I've been really busy lately.  
> Enjoy!!!

Out of everything that occurred in Mickey’s life, this had to be the most unexpected. The strangest. 

Laying under the stars right after just having sex with no other than Ian Gallagher. That had to be the strangest thing that has ever happened to Mickey, and well that's saying a lot. 

Never in a billion years would Mickey think this would be happening, but then again Mickey sure as hell hasn’t expected much that’s gone on in the past almost year. But out of everything. Out of Ian randomly showing up after being “dead” for 10 years. Out of Mickey turning into a good citizen and turning his whole life around. Out of everything that has happened to Mickey ever, he just couldn’t wrap his head around sex with Ian. 

It was something Mickey always wanted. He’d had a crush on the ginger Gallagher since they were kids. Mickey never had the balls to tell him how he felt though. Mickey knew no one would ever want him in that way. In a romantic, loving way. It was ok though, he was used to it. 

But now that Ian had just proven he very much so felt the same way. That shit sent what felt like fire through Mickey’s nerves. 

This whole situation wasn’t idle. Ian should be dead right now, plus they hadn’t even had a proper conversation. For all Mickey knows Ian could just be using him for something. 

Mickey shook that though from his head. He needed to stop thinking that way. Not everyone was trying to use him. Even though it felt like this was impossible, there were some people, just a small, small handful of people that wanted to be with Mickey because he was Mickey. 

So yeah, Mickey had thought everything that had gone down over the past year or so was strange, but this right here, right now, topped everything by a billion. It was by far the weirdest thing that's ever happened in Mickey’s nearly 27 years of life. 

Mickey stared up at the light polluted sky and did what he thought was best. Spoke. “So, uh… what exactly just happened?” 

Ian huffed like Mickey had just asked the most stupid question in the history of the world. “Well, I’m pretty sure we just fucked.” He replied in a snarky, but jokingly tone. 

Yeah. Mickey just needed that conformation. To just ensure that he did just infact have sex with Ian. Shit. 

“No shit,” Mickey said, swatting at Ian’s arm. All of this felt way too normal considering their current situation and circumstances. 

Ian rolled to the side, faced Mickey and bit his lip. “I know what you mean though… and uh, I don’t know, I guess it just felt right.” 

Yeah it did feel right. It was definitely not the right moment and they were definitely not in the right place for this, but it did in fact feel right. 

Mickey just nodded his head because he was unsure of how to respond to that. He just understood. Him and Ian felt the exact same way. 

“So,” Ian said as he pulled his pants up all the way and buckled his black belt. “You got some answers, but I bet you’re still confused.” He continued. 

Fucking yes he was. Mickey had some answers, but before he could get anymore Ian was inside of him. No complaints though. 

Again Mickey just nodded as he too pulled up his pants. “Ok well ask me some questions,” Ian said as he situated himself on the grass. 

Mickey was in his own little universe when those words left Ian’s mouth. He had just realized something that was somewhat important. Ian was the first dude he had actually had sex with. Like real legit sex. 

Over the years Mickey had done a few things with some dudes but it wasn’t much of anything. For the most part he did stuff with dudes who were still in the closet, just like Mickey, so they were always quick and most of the time it just felt wrong. 

But this was actual sex, with an actual dude. 

Ian nudged Mickey’s shoulder realizing he was zoned out. “Whatcha’ thinking about Milkovich?” 

“Shit, um nothing. What were you saying?” Mickey quickly replied moments after being snapped from his daze. 

Ian wasn’t really buying it, and Mickey could tell. But Mickey could also tell Ian wasn’t going to ask any questions. 

Ian just let out a “Hm” and repeated what he had said moments before. “I said I bet you still have questions, so shoot.” 

Where the hell should Mickey even start? He had a mental list of like eight billion different things he wanted to ask Ian. But considered what had just occurred Mickey decided to start with one topic. 

“You remember when you took me to that abandoned thing in the woods?” He gently asked. Ian nodded so he continued “Well one of your friends or whatever said you liked me… what’s that about?” 

This. This question definitely made Ian uncomfortable. It was so obvious. Ian wasn’t the type to get embarrassed. Mickey remembers Ian being one of the most outgoing and least shy kids in their grade. 

But this question made Ian uncomfortable and it could only be for one reason. 

Ian let out a long sigh and sucked in a short breath. “Yeah fucking Tyler doesn’t know when to shut up.” He laughed. Finally Mickey knew the names of one of Ian’s gang members. “Anyway… yeah I do like you. Always have, just never thought you were… gay.” 

Mickey almost blurted out “so you’re telling me I could’ve been with you all these years?” but instead he just sat in silence. Took in what had just been said to him. Replayed those words over and over and over again in his head. 

“And you’re also gay and you also like me, unless you just fucked me for fun,” Ian huffed in a sarcastic way. Mickey just rolled his eyes. This Ian was different, but it was the same Ian Mickey had always known. Had always loved. He was still in there. 

“Shut up!” Mickey yelled. Ian just laughed which then caused Mickey to also laugh. “Yeah man. I’m gay and I uh I’ve always liked you too.” 

They yet again just sat there silently. Ian thinking about God knows what and Mickey thinking about what he wanted to ask next. 

He wasn’t exactly done with the whole liking each other topic. “So what does this make us?” That was really fucking bold of Mickey to say and in all honesty he didn’t realize how bold it was until after the last syllable left his mouth. 

Ian bit his lip for a second obviously thinking. “I don’t know man. I mean I like you and shit, but I don’t know.”

Mickey wasn’t hinting at them dating or anything, it was way too soon for that. He was just curious about how Ian felt. Exactly how he felt. 

Mickey decided now was a good time to drop that topic. It was now time for some new questions. 

“Ok, I have a shit ton of questions so imma just ask them all at once,” Mickey said with a grin turning to Ian. Ian just chuckled. 

Even though it had been ages, the way Mickey felt with Ian hadn’t gone away. He felt a sense of comfort and freedom that he had never felt with anyone else. Ever. 

“Ok then, go for it man,” returned Ian with a grin just like Mickeys. 

Mickey wasn’t sure where to even start so he just blurted out everything. “Where the hell have you been living and how has no one realized you’re still a live? Where did you keep going when you would meet me six months ago and where the fuck have you been the past six months? What’s up with your whole gang, like why were you skating in front of my house that one night and why did you randomly stop and wink at me? Oh and how the fuck did you get my number?” That was a mouthful but Ian seemed to be following along. 

“Jesus, anything else?” Ian asked jokingly. 

Mickey just shot an annoyed glance his way. “No, so give me some answers, you’ve been driving me insane for the past few years.”

“Ok, ok I guess I’ll just start from the beginning.” Fucking finally, Mickey was going to know. Know what the fuck has been going on. 

“I joined FTMB like a few months before I left. I got really close with them, they were all like me. They all had shitty families and well, we were all each other’s family. But, they were a gang and were into some pretty sketchy shit, which is how I was able to fake my death. My friend Tyler helped me with almost everything. He helped me plan everything, like where I was going and how I could pretend to be dead. He even got me a new passport and identity. I’m not Ian Gallagher anymore,” Ian paused and reached for something in his pocket. 

Mickey was still a bit confused, but before he could think of any questions to ask Ian was already talking again. 

“Here,” he said, handing Mickey a card. It was an ID. It was an ID for Ontario Canada. Mickey scanned over the whole thing. It had Ian’s picture, his weight, height, even eye color, but the name Ian Gallagher wasn’t on it. 

“Wait, so you’re Dylan Johnson now?” Mickey asked for a review of the card once more before handing it back to Mickey. 

“Yep. Dylan Johnson from Ontario Canada.” 

Holy shit. Ian had been in Canada all this time. 

Mickey looked at Ian and sucked in a breath preparing to speak but Ian cut him off. “Wait, I know you have questions, just let me finish.” Ian said with a toothy smile and damn did he look cute. 

“After I faked my death I flead to Canada with all my new IDs and shit. I honestly don’t know how I’ve been able to hide who I really am all this time. Guess Tyler did a really good job, huh.” Ian paused for a moment but then continued. “Anyway, I was only 17 when I moved but my ID said I was 19 so I was able to live like a normal person and shit. I know it's confusing, but It’s confusing for me. I just let Tyler do his thing and didn’t ask any questions. But I saved up some money to rent an apartment, and once I got to Canada I became an EMT.” 

This all took Mickey by surprise. Ian really had everything planned out and at the time he was planning it Mickey was completely oblivious to the situation. 

“So that’s what I’ve been doing the past 10 years. I came back because I needed a change. I missed home I guess. I missed my gang, my family and I uh missed you. But basically I told my gang I wanted to come back, and the reason I snuck around is because I didn’t want anyone to realize who I was. My gang needed time to be able to protect me from having people recognize who I was. And I guess I…” Ian hesitated for a moment. “I mean I trust you, but all my gang members thought it would be a good idea, to give you time. Let me come back sink in and shit, that’s why I snuck around and that’s why I left for six months. I just had to figure shit out.” 

Somehow Mickey understood. I mean he didn’t, but he did. 

“As for the knives and baseball bats we’re a gang man, what do you expect?” Ian chuckled and well, so did Mickey. “And I winked at you because I’m an idiot. Because I missed you and because I don’t know I guess I just needed to see you. Oh and you’re numbers the same one you’ve had for ten years, so if you don’t want dead guys texting you, yah might wanna change it.” Ian said, attempting to lighten the mood. 

Mickey was still truong to process everything and well he guessed it made sense. He didn’t understand why Ian did what he did, but at least he knew everything. 

“That answer all your questions?” Ian asked after letting what he had just said sink into Mickey. 

“But you’re family,” Mickey blurted out without thinking about it. He just couldn’t help it. 

“Huh,” Ian said, confused. 

“I mean what about your family? How could you do this to them and now you’re back, are you going to see them or anything?” 

This was also a sore subject for Ian, because his shoulder sunk down and his mouth went from a slight smile to a slight frown. 

“Mick,” Ian said, staring into Mickey’s ocean blue eyes. “ I miss them a lot and I feel bad for everything I’ve done, but I just… I can’t see them. They're part of the life I left behind. I just don’t want to see them again. Sure I was manic when I decided to leave and I do regret some things, but I came back for you, not them.” 

Mickey wasn’t sure what that meant. He wasn’t sure why Ian had said that or even if he meant it, but in that moment Mickey didn’t let it get to him. He was still processing everything else. Sure, he was still confused on something, but for now he was satisfied with the answers he got. 

They sat on the grass and talked until the sun began to rise over the city. 

They talked about Ian. His new life, his job, his friends, all that shit. They also talked about Mickey’s life. Talked about his job and how he was finally living a good happy life. 

Despite the whole situation being far from normal, Mickey was still happy. It felt nice. Mickey was happy to have his best friend back. 

___________

Once the sun was almost fully risen, Ian explained how he had to go. He couldn’t be out in the daylight, because he risked the chance of people seeing him. Of realizing he was in fact not dead. That he was very much still alive. 

Mickey being Mickey joked about how he was like a fucking vampire, but in the end he understood. 

Once Mickey returned home he immediately fell on the couch and slept. The past few hours were insane and Mickey was so tired he could barely get in the house. 

A few hours later Mickey woke and began to think about everything. What had happened. 

Ian told Mickey he was only back from Canada for a little while. That he decided to take off a year and come back to see his gang. Somehow he was able to leave his house and job, but Ian explained his gang members had everything figured out for him. 

Mickey found it strange. The whole gang thing. How they were basically his family. Well, they sort of were his family. Ian even referred to them as his family a few times throughout the night. It was just so weird how they would do something so risky. How they would help someone fake their own fucing death, but then again, isn’t that the whole point of a gang? To be close with each other and to help each other and shit. 

Mickey just felt stupud for whatever reason. 

Felt stupid for getting involved with Ian and shit. But in the end it worked out. He got his answers and hell, he even got to have sex with Ian. But it was just so strange. It all felt like a fucking fever dream, but it was all very much so true. 

And to top off the stupidity Mickey decided to invite Ian over that night. To hang out like fucking friends, eventhough Ian was techinaclly dead. Actually he wasn’t even technically Ian. 

Whatever. 

Mickey just wanted to be around Ian. Wanted to see him, feel him, talk with him. 

Ian had said he wasn’t going to be around much longer and Mickey didn’t want to waste anymore time. He wanted to take in every second of Ian he could. 

____________

That night, once the sun set and everyone was home from school and work, Ian came over. 

The previous night Ian had explained how he had been staying with his gang members for the past few months. And how they helped hide him and shit. That felt weird. The whole hiding Ian thing. Whatever though wasn’t really Mickey’s business. 

So now Ian and Mickey or Dylan and Mickey? Were sitting on the couch in Mickey’s living room just talking. Just fucking talking like normal people. 

Mickey still had some questions, and was still planning on asking them to Ian, but for now this was fine. Perfect actually. 

Mickey just liked being with Ian. Just decided to live in the moment. There was time for answers and other shit later. But for now Mickey had his best friend back. The only person he loved and cared about, was back. And that’s all he cared about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you think of this chapter!
> 
> Sorry for updating so late. I know I usually update just a few days after posting the previous chapter. I've just been really busy with work and school lately, so I haven't had much time or motivation to write. 
> 
> Also, sorry about this chapter being so short. I was just really determined to get a chapter up today, which is why it's not as long as the others. Don't worry the next one will be a lot longer, I'm pretty sure it'll be the longest chapter in the whole series. 
> 
> I plan on updating sometime next week. I don't have an exact date though. Here's my Twitter- https://twitter.com/naleys_oth you can copy and paste the link or just search naleys_oth 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Hope you enjoyed!!!


	9. Ian and Mickey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Ian to leave and Mickey is faced with a tough decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the 9th and final chapter! Thank you so much for coming along on this journey! I am so grateful for everyone who had read this. Enjoy!!

Ok. Maybe Mickey needed to be more cautious. Be less trusting of Ian. I mean for fuck sakes Ian is by far one of the least trustworthy people Mickey’d ever met. 

But at the same time he wasn’t. Sure, Ian had lied for 10 years and was a complete shithead when he returned, but Mickey could still trust him. Mickey had always been able to trust Ian and honestly this felt no different. 

Ian was all Mickey had at one point. He’s all Mickey’s ever wanted. So maybe, just maybe that’s why Mickey acted like this was normal. 

Once Mickey got over the fact that Ian was in fact not dead and that he was back, everything felt normal. He let it all feel normal, because he missed it. 

At one point the only thing Mickey had to lose was Ian, and well he did lose him. Mickey hasn’t had anyone since. No one to love and talk to and just act like himself with. 

Mickey did realize that this wasn’t right. He shouldn’t let this feel so normal. He shouldn’t just have Ian sitting on his couch talking like everything is normal. Mickey knew that. And he was eventually going to make it stop, but for no he didn’t want it to. He wanted to feel again. Feel like he once had when Ian was still in his life. 

__________

The whole time Ian was over at Mickey’s place everything just felt awkward, maybe. Mickey wasn’t exactly sure how to describe it. 

Ian was acting weird. Shifting around every so often. Looking around like someone or something was after him. 

This wasn’t like Ian. But Mickey had to remind himself. Remind himself that this Ian was different. This Ian was a changed person. Actually his name isn’t technically Ian anymore. 

Something was on Ian’s mind and Mickey could tell. After being friends with someone for all that time, you know. You know when somethings up or when they have something to say that might hurt you. 

Mickey knew at one point he was going to lose Ian again. 

Mickey hadn’t received every detail about the past 10 years of Ian or should he say Dylan’s life. But he knew Ian would be leaving soon. And there was most likely going to be some decisions that will need to be made. 

But for now. Right now. Mickey just wanted to enjoy this. Wanted to enjoy being in Ian’s company. Because he missed him. 

__________

It was nearing 11 and the conversation was starting to die down. As there began to be more and more silence Mickey began thinking more and more about everything that’s been happening. 

Mickey knew. He knew he needed to stop acting like this was so normal, because well it wasn’t. 

None of this was normal. 

Both Ian and Mickey just sat there in a calm almost awkward silence. It was time. It was time to break this silence, and stop acting like this was normal. Like this was just a normal Saturday night. 

Mickey contemplated what he was going to exactly say. How does one exactly start a conversation like this? A conversation about what exactly what the fuck was going on.

“So wanna explain what exactly is going on here.” 

Ian looked up from his place on the living room couch and bit his bottom lip. “What do yah mean, Milkovich?” Ian asked. 

Mickey knew Ian knew exactly what he meant but he went along with it. “Like what are we and when are you leaving and… I don’t know, what the fuck is going on man? I mean I’m still really fucking confused.” 

Ian shifted awkwardly and sucked in a big breath, preparing to say something. “I know. And honestly I don’t really know what I’m doing back here. It just felt right, but I guess I gotta go soon.” Ian bit his lip and rubbed his eyebrow before speaking again. “I guess… I guess when I left I never got to say goodbye. And after all this time I just needed to come back, needed to say goodbye.” 

Mickey understood. He really understood because he was faced with the same self conflict not too long ago. He, like Ian, left the Southside without saying goodbye. Without any closure, he just left. And he felt the same way. He needed to go back, just once more to finally put it behind him. And that’s exactly what Ian had been doing. 

“Yeah, I get it,” Mickey sniffled. “But uh you’ve been here for months, wanna tell me what that’s about.” 

Ian just smiled a closed mouth grin and stood up. “Always gotta point out my weaknesses huh Milkovich.” Ian shook his head and walked closer to the door to say he was going to leave. “It’s because I’m a fucking pussy. I came back to say my goodbyes, but then I got trapped. I’m just procrastinating leaving, that’s all.” 

Mickey wasn’t 100% sure what that meant, but ok. 

“Oh wait.” Ian said as if an important thought just popped into his mind. “Before I go I need to ask you something.” 

This ginger Gallagher bitch was really getting on Mickey’s nerves now. But what’s new? 

Ian kneeled down to his backpack and unzipped the biggest pocket. He then pulled out a blue scrunched up t-shirt with faded white lettering on it. The shirt looked really familiar, but Mickey just couldn’t quite put his finger on how he knew it. 

“You don’t have to, but could you give this to my family,” Ian said quietly as he handed over the wrinkled shirt. 

Mickey took it from Ian’s freckled hand and held it up in front of him. Mickey now knew where he’d seen this shirt and why Ian would want his family to have it. The shirt was faded and old. It had small holes scattering the seams, but Mickey still remembered it. Ian used to wear the hell out of that shirt. It was one of his favorite shirts growing up. 

Ian used to tell Mickey it was because it was the only shirt that was his. Being the Middle child, most of Ian’s clothes were hamidowns, but this one shirt was his and only his. That’s why he always wore it. It didn’t remind him of his brother, and it was actually his size. 

Ian let out a small chuckle. “I know it dumb to give them a shirt, but I know they would want it.” 

Mickey understood. 

Ian then turned to the door but stopped dead in his tracks. “I’m leaving. Soon. It’s time for me to go, and I need to say goodbye. For good this time.” This turned from a relaxed casual conversation to something much more serious. 

Mickey’s heart sank when he heard the word “leaving”. 

Obviously he would never say anything out loud, but Mickey didn’t want Ian to go. Mickey didn’t want to live without Ian. But he knew. He knew he couldn’t live his life with someone who’s technically dead. It was good that Ian was going, but Mickey would miss him.

Mickey just had to keep reminding himself, at least this time he would get an actual goodbye. He would be able to say bye straight to Ian’s face. He would be able to have sex with him one last time, because that was something they had been doing now. He would be able to give him a hug and just fucking say goodbye. 

________

It was a fucking t-shirt but it brought back so many memories. 

Ian practically wore that shirt everyday. Mickey always used to make fun of him for it, but now Mickey just wanted to go back to those days. Wanted to go back to being 15 years old and making fun of Ian instead of dreading having to say goodbye to him for one last time. 

Mickey sat on his couch and just looked at the shirt. Looked at it and just felt nostalgic. 

Mickey’s childhood was far from good, but the scrawny redhead who wore that beat up shirt made it a little bit more bearable. 

________

The next day Mickey decided to head over to the Southside and hand over the shirt to the Gallaghers. 

Mickey knew if he didn’t he would end up keeping that shirt. He would end up fucking wearing it to be or some shit like that, and he knew he couldn’t do that. 

Right now Mickey had an advantage over Ian’s family. He could touch and feel Ian. He could talk to him, spend time with him, fuck him. While his siblings still thought he was dead. Still though he was no longer. But in reality he was. He was alive and healthy, and only Mickey knew that. 

With the old, worn t-shirt in hand, Mickey headed up the raggedy wooden stairs of the Gallagher house. 

It only took one knock on the peeling door before someone opened it. It was Fiona. Mickey hadn’t seen her in ages. Since the funeral maybe. 

The last time Mickey saw Fiona was on one of the worst days of his life. Ian’s funeral had to be one of the hardest things Mickey had ever done. Sure, being verbally and physically abused by your father is pretty bad, but Mickey was strong and he could handle it. He could handle his father, but he couldn’t handle burying, or so he thought, his best friend. 

“Holy shit, Mickey?” asked Fiona. She seemed to be pretty flustered but her face lightened up when she saw Mickey. 

Mickey just offered her a smile and a slight wave. He wasn’t exactly sure how to go about this. Should he just hand over the shirt? Or should he stay and talk? Mickey wasn’t sure, but he was already feeling awkward. 

Fiona could sense this so she spoke again. “Jesus, I haven’t seen you in forever. Been like 10 years.” 

“Yeah…” Ok don’t judge Mickey wasn’t the best at social interactions. Plus this whole situation was just… weird. Seeing Ian’s sister and shit. Just strange. 

“You wanna come in, it’s just me home right now,” Fiona offered with a smile. Mickey just nodded and followed Fiona into the house. 

The house still looked the exact same, well no surprise since Mickey had literally been there not that long ago. 

Fiona led Mickey into the kitchen and juestered Mickey to sit down as she grabbed two beers from the fridge. 

“Carl said you came by a few days ago,’ said Fiona, kicking the door of the refrigerator shut. 

Mickey sifted in his seat and rubbed his eyebrow with his pointer finger, a nervous tick Mickey picked up when he was a kid. “Uh yeah. I was just around thought I’d say hi.” 

Fiona nodded and sat in the chair across from Mickey. “So, you seem to be doing pretty well for yourself huh? No offense, but I never would’ve pictured you living on the Northside,” Fiona giggled taking a swig of her cold beer. 

Mickey couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t offensive because it was the truth. “Yeah, me neither, but here we are.” Mickey popped the cap off his drink and continued. “So what about you? What’ve you been up to?” 

Mickey felt more comfortable meaning conversation came a bit easier. Growing up Fiona was the closest thing Mickey had to a mom or big sister. She always treated him like one of her own siblings, and he always appreciated that. 

“Well, not too long after Ian passed I moved. Well only to a different town, but I got a steady job and a house of my own.” Fiona seemed proud of what she’d accomplished. Which was good and well deserved. She worked her ass off to take care of everyone but herself, she deserved to live a good life. 

“I mean it was tough leaving the kids, but after Ian passed I was so heartbroken. I felt like I did something wrong, like it was my fault or something. I didn’t want to leave my brothers and sister behind, but I know it was the best thing for me. For a while Lip took over, but now he has a family of his own. Debbie has a daughter and is doing pretty good for herself. Carl… well he’s Carl. And Liam is still young, but we always make sure someone is here to take care of him,” Fiona said. 

Mickey wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her Ian was alive. He was fine and he was here. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that. Ian trusted him with this secret and he couldn’t tell anyone. It sucked though, seeing the pain in Fiona’s eyes as she talked about her little brother. But it was good to know all the Gallaghers were doing well.

For a while they continued talking about their lives and about Ian. Fiona said their mom, Monica, had died a few years back. None of them were too upset about it though. She said Frank was still the drunk deadbeat he had always been. Mickey still didn’t understand how someone's own father didn’t show up for their funeral, but then again Terry probably wouldn't have shown up for Mickey’s. 

It was nice to catch up with Fiona. Growing up Mickey used to always talk with Fiona. Just about random shit, most of the time, but Mickey felt safe and comfortable around her. 

When the conversation began to wine down a bit, Mickey realized he still had the shirt balled up in his lap. Mickey was usually good at reading the room, but not at that moment. He wasn’t sure if it was a good time to give Fiona the shirt, but is it really ever a good time to give someone a shirt their dead brother used to wear an absurd amount? Probably not. 

“Hey, I um have something to give you,” Mickey said as he watched Fiona’s features scrunch together to say she wasn’t following what Mickey was saying. 

Mickey took one last good look at the shirt and handed it over to Fiona. “I’ve had this for a while and though you should probably have it.” 

That was a lie. But what was Mickey supposed to say? “Your dead brother told me to give this to you” was definitely not the way to go about it. 

Immediately after Fiona saw the shirt her eyes began to tear up. She gripped the shirt in her hands, hard, placed it up to her face and took in the scent. 

Mickey didn’t cry. But this. This was one of the few moments he was pretty close to crying at. 

It took everything out of Mickey to not tell her. To not blurt out Ian was alive. And he was in town. And he missed her and the rest of his family. 

Seeing Fiona get so emotional over this made Mickey feel all soft inside. Ian’s family loved him. He had people who supported him and wanted him to be healthy and happy. Mickey never had that. Mickey had abuse and anger. Ian was the only person who ever showed Mickey affection. 

Now Mickey was thinking about how one day sometime soon, he would lose Ian once and for all. How could Mickey live the rest of his life without Ian? The answer is he couldn’t. He can’t. 

Mickey had always loved Ian. But now he loved him in ways he had never. Mickey loves Ian in a romantic way. He wanted Ian. All of Ian all the time. 

Over the past few weeks they’d “hooked up” or whatever, but it was more than just a fuck. Mickey knew that. Mickey also knew Ian knew that. There was something more than a friendship between them and Mickey didn’t want to lose that. 

“It still smells like him,” Fiona said muffled by the shirt, knocking Mickey from his thoughts. 

Now Fiona was crying. Hard. Tears were streaming down her face. She was still holding the t-shirt up to her face, which was now drenched in tears. 

Mickey wasn’t one to comfort people. He wasn’t sure how to do it, considering he never learned as a child. All he could do is just sit there and look at Fiona. It was awkward, but he knew she didn’t care. Not when she had a piece of her brother back. A small piece but it was still a part of Ian. 

“Where’d you find this?” Fiona finally asked after she calmed down a little bit. 

Mickey hesitated a bit. He wasn’t exactly sure what to say. Lying was usually his number one skill, but not then. Mickey was now realizing he should’ve thought this explanation through, but oh well. “I was cleaning my house, and found it. Just thought you should have it instead of me.” 

“Thank you,” Is all Fiona was able to spit out through the tears that were still very much so coming down her face. 

Mickey and Fiona sat in the kitchen for a while. There was a silence that fell upon them, but it wasn’t awkward by any means. It was nice. It was calm. It just felt good, to see Fiona get a part of her brother back. To have something that reminded her of him. 

After not much longer Mickey decided it was a good time to go. Mickey quickly realized this was probably the last time he would be in the Gallagher house. There wasn’t going to be a need to after Ian left. 

Mickey was taking everything in when Fiona pulled him into a tight hug. Hugs weren’t Mickey's thing, never have been, never will be, but he just let it happen. It felt right.

“Thank you,” Fiona sniffled into Mickey’s neck. “For everything. You were the best thing that ever happened to my brother. He really loved you yah know.” 

That caused Mickey’s insides to heat up. He knew Ian loved him. He’d known that since they were kids. But hearing it from someone else. Having someone else say Ian loved him, felt amazing. 

_______

Once at home, Mickey sat on his couch and contemplated. Thought. 

He began thinking about everything. Everything that had happened in the past few months. How one event changed his life so much. 

It’s insane how one moment, one second, can change someone's life forever. One thing can cause someone so much pain, comfort or happiness. 

And losing Ian, for good, was going to change Mickey. And it was going to change him for the worse. 

Mickey had already lost Ian once. It was horrible. He barely made it through then, but now that him and Ian were connected in a different way, it was going to be impossible. It would be impossible to lose Ian, and Mickey knew it. 

Hours later Mickey found himself still laying on his couch still thinking about Ian. It was crazy how Ian lived in his brain, rent free, all day everyday. 

And of course there was a knock on Mickey’s door and of course it was no other than Ian. The man who Mickey couldn’t get out of his mind. Couldn’t bear to lose. 

“Hey,” Mickey said gently as he opened the door and invited Ian inside. 

There was something about Ian’s vibe that was off. He was his usual happy, bubbly self. He had something to get off his chest, and Mickey could tell whatever it was, it was going to hurt. It was going to be painful. 

“Mick…” Ian said hesitantly. “I’m... leaving tonight.” 

Mickey’s heart sank to his stomach at those words. No not yet. Mickey wasn’t ready for Ian to go. He wanted to spend more time with him. He didn’t want to let him go. 

“A- and this is going to seem… fukcing insane, but I- I uh want you to come with me,” Ian continued picking at this skin. 

Oh… 

Ian wants Mickey to come. Mickey’s first thought was fuck yes. Yes he wanted to go with Ian. Why wouldn’t he? But then he remembered. He remembered he has a job and a house and a life, although it wasn’t much of one. 

“You want me to go with you?” Mickey said with a shaken tone in his voice from being taken completely off guard. 

Ian grabbed Mickey’s waist and pulled him into a deep passionate kiss. It was about time. It was about time for them to kiss like that. Kiss like they’re the only two people in the world. Like they’re the only two people who mattered. 

“Mickey, I love you. I love you and I can’t lose you. I came back because I couldn’t live one more day without you. I know it’s a lot to ask for, but I really want you to come with me.” 

“But I can’t go…” Is all Mickey was able to spit out. He was taken by surprise and had no idea what to think. No idea what to say. What to feel. 

“But I can’t lose you… I need you in my life Mickey, so just think about it,” Ian said grasping the sides of Mickey's head. 

_________

That whole night Mickey and Ian talked. They talked about what they would do and if Mickey should even fucking go. It was a lot. It would be a lot for Mickey to drop everything and move to Canada with someone who’s technically dead. Mickey didn’t want to have to live a fake life. Pretend. But he also didn’t want to lose Ian, so what choice did he have? 

Mickey thought long and hard but in reality he didn’t need to make a decision. 

The answer was obvious. 

Yes. 

Yes, Mickey was going to go with Ian. Of fucking course he was. He loved Ian. Ian loved him. Neither of them wanted to lose each other. Mickey was willing to leave all that he had, though it wasn’t much, just to be with Ian. Because he wanted Ian. He needed Ian. 

They were soulmates. They were bound to be together. They both knew that. They both had always known that. 

It was finally time for them to be together. For them to be happy. To just be Ian and Mickey. 

Mickey knew he couldn’t leave everything behind. But then again what did he have to lose? Nothing was the answer. He had nothing to lose. 

The only thing he could ever lose was Ian. 

Mickey would be leaving nothing behind. He wanted this. He wanted Ian. Life would be weird from here on out, but he didn’t give a fuck. He was with Ian, the love of his life, his soulmate. 

Ian and Mickey were finally together. Mickey was now happy. He could now be happy, and be happy with the only person he loves. The only person he will ever love. 

Ian is all Mickey needed. And they were Ian and Mickey, they would figure everything out and everything would be ok. Everything will be perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it. I decided on making this only 9 chapters, so I could get to the point faster. I may add one more chapter to summarize what happens after they leave, but we'll see. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you to everyone who's read this. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed and please feel free to leave comments and kudos. 
> 
> I'll be writing some one shots and other short gallavich fics in the next few weeks. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you think! I plan on updating this once a week or so. Maybe more maybe less, we'll see!


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